SISTER ACT by Paul Rudnick July 19, 199l Page 1. SISTER ACT FADE IN: INT. ST. ANNE'S ACADEMY - AKRON, OHIO - CLASSROOM We are in a parochial school classroom, in the late Sixties. The children all wear uniforms and sit at little desks. SISTER IMMACULATA stands at the front of the room; she is a middle-aged nun, very severe. The children are all terrified of her. SISTER IMMACULATA Who can name all the Apostles? Yes? ANGLE ON CHRISTINE CARTER A thirteen-year-old girl sitting at a desk. She raises her hand. SISTER IMMACULATA Christine? CHRISTINE Sister, may I be excused? SISTER IMMACULATA Christine... CHRISTINE It's an emergency. Real bad. Sister Immaculata nods, pursing her lips. Christine stands and heads for the door. CUT TO: INT. GIRLS ROOM Christine is now in the deserted St. Anne's girls room. She is standing on tiptoes, looking in the mirror. She has taken her hair out of its neat barrettes; she is combing it out. She applies lipstick. Christine reaches into her schoolbag; she pulls out a stack of glittery bracelets and slips them on. She unbuttons the top few buttons of her stiff white blouse. She sprays herself with dime store cologne. CUT TO: EXT. HALLWAY Christine opens the girls' room door; she looks both ways. No one is around; she saunters down the hall. Page 2. ANGLE ON A DOOR MARKED BROOM CLOSET Christine opens this door. She looks into the closet. There is a very nervous thirteen-year-old BOY waiting for her inside. CHRISTINE Hi, Jimmy. Christine slips inside the closet and closes the door behind her. ANGLE ON SISTER IMMACULATA Striding down the hall, with a bloodthirsty look in her eye, and a nasty-looking wooden ruler in her hand. She flings open the broom closet door, ANGLE ON CHRISTINE AND JIMMY in the broom closet. Jimmy's face is covered with lipstick. Christine's hair is awry. The couple has clearly been making out. SISTER IMMACULATA (outraged) Miss Christine Carter! Again! Don't you know what happens to girls like you? Don't you know what they become? INT. CHRISTY'S APARTMENT - ANGLE ON A LARGE, TATTERED POSTER-NIGHT (TODAY) Taped over a crack on a wall. The poster shows a glittering CHRISTY VAN CARTIER: singing star of a fifth- rate Vegas lounge. Christy wears tight spangles and a major wig on the poster. She has clearly lived up, or down, to all of Sister Immaculata's expectations. The CAMERA PANS through the dark bedroom in which the poster hangs; a neon sign flashes outside the window, casting a red and blue haze over the premises. A dressing room table is cluttered with dozens of bottles of nail polish and makeup, and garish clothing and flashy jewelry are scattered everywhere. We hear the movement of BED SPRINGS as someone sits up in the dark. CHRISTY'S VOICE Come on, Vince -- hold me a minute. VINCE'S VOICE I'd love to. babe -- but I've got to go. It was great. Like usual. CHRISTY'S VOICE It was twenty minutes. Like usual. Page 3. VINCE'S VOICE The best. VINCE LAROCCA stands at the mirror, adjusting his clothing and checking his hair. Vince is a powerful, charismatic man who rules an organized crime empire with personal magnetism and threat. Vince's hold over Christy is obvious, if unfortunate; he can seem expansive and generous one minute, ruthless and dangerous the next. VINCE (half to Christy, half to the mirror) You are something else. Christy turns on a lamp and lights a cigarette. CHRISTY Come on -- stay. Just a little. We can talk, I'll get a pizza. Pizza in bed, we'll have fun. And you still haven't told me what happened. What did she say? VINCE What did who say? CHRISTY Who? The other woman. Your wife. Vince turns to face Christy, turning on the charm. VINCE You are so damn sexy. CHRISTY Vince... VINCE How did I get so lucky? What is it now, five years we've been together? Who do I thank? CHRISTY (not buying it) Today was the deadline, Vince. Vince sits on the bed. He takes Christy's hand, and kisses it. VINCE I want us to be together. Like people. Honest, decent people. In the eyes of God. Babe, today... I went to confession. CHRISTY You did what? Page 4. VINCE For the first time in I don't know how long. I wanted everything done right. Open and above board. I told Father Antonelli I was in love. I told him it was a special love, for all the ages. CHRISTY (starting to fall for it) You said that? And what did he say? Did he say you could leave her? Did he say we'd be happy? VINCE (looking deep into her eyes) He said that if I got a divorce I'd burn in Hell. For all eternity. Vince kisses Christy's hands again and drops turns away and starts putting on his shoes. CHRISTY What? (outraged) VINCE You want me to go against a priest? Get excommunicated? You think I'm nuts? CHRISTY You bastard! VINCE (trying to calm her) We can still see each other. Just like always. It's a different kind of sin. Smaller. CHRISTY You pig! Vince backs off, and starts searching for his jacket. VINCE Babe, it's not me! I love you! It's God! CHRISTY You lying sleazeball! The best years of my life! What am I, garbage? Am I lint? Vince ducks as Christy throws an ashtray at him, and it smashes against the wall. VINCE You're upset. I understand. I should go. I hate to. Page 5. A CLOCK-RADIO hits the wall beside Vince's head. CHRISTY Get out of here! And never come back! A LAMP hits the wall, as Vince dodges it. He makes a phone gesture with his hand. VINCE I'll call. Vince kisses two fingers, and blows the kiss to Christy. He leaves. Christy is left standing on the bed, holding a particularly garish stuffed animal she was about to hurl. With Vince gone she slumps to the bed, cradling the stuffed animal. She is caught between tears and rage. CUT TO: EXT. LAS VEGAS - NIGHT ANGLE on various neon Vegas landmarks -- the Golden Nugget, Caesar's Palace, Bally's, etc. Scrunched in between two larger hotels and casinos is the MOONLIGHT HOTEL AND CASINO. The Moonlight isn't all that small, it's just seen better days. INT. LOUNGE - NIGHT A spotlight hits a solitary figure on a small stage. The man is caped and dramatic, but not especially talented; an Elvis impersonator who's just a shade off in voice, looks and style. ELVIS Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Are you lonesome tonight? Welcome to the Moonlight Hotel and Casino's incredible Platinum Oldies Spectacular. Backstage, there's still a look of resolve in Christy's eye as she waits to go on with MICHELLE and TINA, her back- up singers. MICHELLE But you can't quit. What'll happen to us? (to Tina) Tell her she can't quit. TINA I told her. She stuck pantyhose in my mouth. Onstage, Elvis glances into the wings to be sure the Ronelles are ready. Page 6. ELVIS Please welcome our own girl group extraordinaire, our beehives of beauty -- the fabulous Ronelles! Elvis disappears. The spotlight hits Christy, who wears a high beehive wig and a sequinned, early Supremes-style gown. Michelle and Tina wear matching gowns and wigs. The band begins a doo-wop vamp. CHRISTY Oh, girls. RONELLES Yes, Betty? CHRISTY This prom is a real drag. RONELLES Oh-huh. CHRISTY Oh my! (gasping) RONELLES What is it, Betty? CHRISTY Look at that. Get a gander. RONELLES Oh my! (sighing) CHRISTY He's so dreamy. He's like... a Greek god. He's the cutest guy here. He's boss. He's fab. He's... RONELLES Yes, Betty? CHRISTY (singing) HE'S SO FINE. RONELLES D00-LANG, DOO-LANG, D00-LANG. CHRISTY WISH HE WAS MINE. THAT HANDSOME BOY OVER THERE, THE ONE WITH THE WAVY HAIR. As they sing, their moves and gestures are carefully choreographed in vintage girl group style. Page 7. A lot of talent and hard work has clearly gone into the number. While Christy does her best, her singing voice is not on a par with those of the other Ronelles. The lounge itself is practically empty, except for a few drunken Shriners and a couple of college kids. POLICE LIEUTENANT EDDIE MULCAHY sits at a ringside table with his eyes locked on Christy. An easygoing charmer, Eddie gives her a wink, but she responds with an up-yours look and a turn to the other half of the room as the song continues. INT. DRESSING ROOM - LATER A small, cramped room with cracked plaster walls and a sputtering fan for ventilation. Christy has her own dressing table and mirror, and the Ronelles share a table a few feet away. Clothing and costumes hang on nails or are draped over chairs as the girls change into street wear. CHRISTY Screw this dump. It's a roach motel with sequins. Every guy I meet is either married, a cop, or a lush from Des Moines. MICHELLE But what about us? TINA You taught us the act. The songs, all the moves. CHRISTY And where did it get me? I'm stuck in this rathole! You're holding me back, just like Vince! I should be headlining! A pock-faced weasel of a man named JOEY opens the door and leans into the room. CHRISTY What do you want? This is a private area! Get lost! JOEY You ain't got nothin' I ain't seen. CHRISTY Then stop trying to memorize it. Hit the road. Joey takes a step into the room and sets a box on the chair near Christy. JOEY From Vince. Page 8. CHRISTY His ashes? JOEY With love. Joey leaves. Michelle and Tina hover around the box, very excited. They pick it up, trying to tempt Christy. MICHELLE From Vince! With love! TINA Michelle and Tina can't restrain themselves: they open the box. Inside is a rather gaudy fur coat. Michelle and Tina are impressed. MICHELLE It's a fur! TINA It's new! CHRISTY It's a bribe. Five years of my goddamned life! MICHELLE So you earned it! TINA Vince owns the casino! Cash in CHRISTY I should throw this in his facet There's a KNOCK on the door, and Tina opens it. Lieutenant Eddie Mulcahy enters. Christy is not pleased. CHRISTY Oh, Jesus. What is going on here? (to heaven) Why me? Whose dog did I kill? MICHELLE Hi, Lieutenant. TINA Hello, Eddie. Eddie picks up the coat. EDDIE From Vince? What a guy. Doo-lang, doo- lang. CHRISTY At least he's not a cop. At least he can afford a decent gift. EDDIE I used to buy.you,..stuff. On your birthday . When we were seeing each other. CHRISTY Yeah, like what? Quilted coat hangers, that your mother picked out? Lottery tickets? A travel iron? EDDIE So I don't shop. CHRISTY 'Cause you're always out, arresting people. Making trouble. I don't know why I went out with you in the first place, it was embarrassing! I couldn't hold my head up, I used to tell people you were a security guard! EDDIE Oh, yeah? Well, how do you think I felt? You were singing in bowling alleys back then. I told people you were a hooker! MICHELLE Calm down, you two. It's always like this. EDDIE Yeah, well, now, she goes out with a' better class of people. Vince Laflocca. CHRISTY He's a businessman. EDDIE A what? When are you qonna wake up? CHRISTY When are you gonna get off my case? Have you got a search warrant? What do you want -- cheap thrills? EDDIE Information, baby. I thought maybe somebody around here might have a conscience. CHRISTY Think again! And get out of here. Page 10. EDDIE I'm going. My regards to Vince, And the Mrs. Christy hurls a jar of cold cream at Eddie's head. He ducks, and the jar hits the door. EDDIE Ladies. Eddie leaves. Christy is standing, absolutely furious. CHRISTY That's it! I'm not taking it from him, and I'm not taking it from Vince! From now on, it's all about me! And if I can't spend it, drink it, or sleep with it -- it's gone. Like Sister Immaculata used to say, "Life is short, and then you fry." So long, girls -- see you in church! Christy grabs the mink and heads out the door. INT. VINCE'S OFFICE - NIGHT ERNIE SCHMIDT sits across the enormous mahogany desk from Vince. The young man's throat is dry; he's sweating bullets. The presence of Joey the weasel and WILLY, a brutal thug, increases Ernie's tension. VINCE Ernie Schmidt. How long you been with us, Ernie Schmidt? ERNIE Three years, Mr. LaRocca. One behind the bar, two as croupier. Vince gestures to the lush office and its furnishings. VINCE Ernie, you know what's important to me? What counts? It's not all this. This is '-- what? Frosting. Loyalty. That's me, Ernie. That's home. Vince gestures to Joey, who takes out a revolver and points it at Ernie's head. VINCE You ain't been loyal, Ernie. What did you tell the cops? Ernie's eyes open wide with denial as the gun comes closer to his temple. Page 11. INT. HOTEL LOBBY Holding the coat, Christy waits by the elevator. It arrives; she gets in. INT. VINCE'S OFFICE The interrogation continues. ERNIE I didn't tell the cops anything. I swear. VINCE Joey? Joey slams Ernie on the side of the head with the gun. INT. CORRIDOR Christy steps out of the elevator and faces a maze of office cubicles with half-wall partitions. The floor is deserted and dark as she makes her way through the cubicles. INT. VINCE'S OFFICE Vince is standing over Ernie, holding his head up by the hair. VINCE Who else, Ernie? Who else was in on it? ERNIE (moaning) No one... VINCE (dropping Ernie's head in disgust) Why am I wasting my time? INT. EXECUTIVE CORRIDOR Beyond the cubicles, Christy strides down a lush corridor to an executive suite. She tries the knob, but finds the door locked. Pulling a key from her purse, she unlocks the door to the suite and enters a large outer office with a reception area and doors to several inner offices. She tosses the key onto the receptionist's desk. CHRISTY Won't need that anymore. Ta-ta. Crossing to Vince's office, Christy squares her shoulders and narrows her eyes with anger as she reaches for the doorknob. She pauses for a second, and then doubles her resolve. Page 12. INT. VINCE'S OFFICE VINCE Do it. (to Joey) ANGLE on the door to the office, which opens. Christy appears, with the mink coat in her arms. CHRISTY Stuff this up your... A GUNSHOT is heard, 0.S. Christy's eyes widen, and her jaw drops, at what she has just witnessed. ANGLE on the office. Ernie is slumped in the chair, dead. Joey stands over him, holding the revolver. Joey, Willy and Vince stare at Christy. VINCE Babe. (icy calm) Christy tries to speak; she can't. VINCE Christy. Is there a problem? With the coat? Christy glances around the room; she doesn't move. She quickly sizes up the situation. She tries to appear matter-of-fact. unaffected by what she's just seen. CHRISTY No... it's fine. VINCE Yes? CHRISTY Thanks. A lot. VINCE Is that why you came up here, Christy? To thank me? CHRISTY Sure. VINCE And to say you're sorry. About this afternoon. And the things you said. Forgotten. Completely. Do you understand? Forgotten. CHRISTY (catching the subtext) Right. Yeah. Forgotten. Page 13. Vince crosses the room, to Christy. He takes her hands in his, and kisses them. VINCE That's my girl. My girl in mink. Will you be home? Soon? Christy kisses Vince, quickly. CHRISTY Right. I'll be... at the apartment. Call me. Thanks. Again. Christy reaches for the doorknob, without looking at the door. She fumbles a bit. She finds the door. CHRISTY Mink. Wow. Christy walks backwards, out the door. She turns; she is gone. JOEY Vince -- is she... okay? VINCE Maybe. (considering this) WILLY I mean, won't she talk? She seemed kind of upset. VINCE She did. (making a decision) Bring her back. Now. For a talk. JOEY And if she runs? VINCE (icy) Take care of it. With guns drawn, Willy and Joey run after Christy. INT. RECEPTION AREA Christy, clearly terrified, is walking quickly away from Vince's office. She passes through a glass door which leads to the cubicle area. LONG SHOT of the cubicle area, which resembles a darkened maze. Christy hears Joey approaching; she runs into the cubicle area. JOEY Christy? He only wants to talk to you! Page 14. ANGLE on Christy, crouched behind a half-wall. She is clutching the coat. WILLY Christy? There is a stuffed toy, a "Garfield the Cat," attached to the wall near Christy, with suction cups. Christy tries to pull the cat's feet off the wall, very quietly. JOEY Christy? Christy finally just yanks the cat off the wall. She hurls it as high and as far as she can, to the opposite end of the room. ANGLE on the flying stuffed cat. Joey sees the blur of the cat; he SHOOTS it, and the cat explodes. JOEY Come on, Christy! There's no place to go! Christy steadies herself against a Xerox machine. She accidentally activates the machine, which lights up and starts HUMMING. ANGLE on Willy, as he hears the Xerox machine. He quickly moves toward the SOUND. Willy reaches the Xerox machine; the area is deserted. He starts moving quickly down the aisle A chair, the kind on casters, comes rolling out of one of the cubicle doorways; the chair hits Willy and he falls. Christy runs out of the cubicle; Willy is on the floor, struggling to get up. As Christy sprints away, Willy SHOOTS at her. He misses, but a glass partition SHATTERS. Christy runs for an open elevator, but it has been summoned from another floor and the doors are beginning to close. She runs even faster. A BULLET whistles past her ear and hits the back wall of the elevator. She reaches for the doors a moment too late, and the elevator is gone. Christy scrambles to the door beside the elevator and runs into a stairwell as two more BULLETS bite pieces out of the door. INT. STAIRWELL Taking the stairs three at a time, Christy is flying, still clutching the mink. The thugs are gaining on her. A BULLET hits metal and RICOCHETS off several walls and steps. Page 15. At the next landing, Christy opens the door and ducks into a corridor. INT. CORRIDOR Exhausted but powered by adrenaline, Christy sprints past doors to the end of the hall, still with the mink. Joey appears from the stairwell just as Christy ducks into a supply room. INT. SUPPLY ROOM Christy shoves a cleaning cart aside and wades through a pile of dirty linen. Joey opens the door just as Christy dives head first into the laundry chute. INT. LAUNDRY CHUTE Christy, lying atop the mink, flies through the chute like a subway train through a tunnel. INT. BASEMENT The chute spits Christy out like a bullet into a huge bin of dirty linen. Two workers glance around as they load large washing machines with laundry. Christy climbs out of the bin and dashes for a door. Working in a hotel, the workers have seen everything. INT. LAUNDRY CHUTE Joey flies through the chute. INT. BASEMENT Joey suddenly flies into the bin. He climbs out with his gun in sight. JOEY Which way? The workers point to the door, and Joey rushes across the room. One of the workers is now wearing the mink coat. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Joey comes out of the hotel and finds an empty street. He looks in every direction, but the nearby streets have swallowed Christy into safety for the moment. EXT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT The central offices of the Las Vegas Police Department. INT. MULCAHY'S OFFICE Eddie's office is a glassed-in area set in the middle of the station's main floor. Page 16. Christy is huddled in a chair, surrounded by Eddie and two other detectives, CLARKSON and TATE. CHRISTY Right between the eyes! Down and out! The guy was gone! I... I couldn't believe it! EDDIE You couldn't believe it? Vince the Prince? CHRISTY I never said he was an altar boy, okay? But he sent his goons after me! They tried to kill me! I'm not kidding! CLARKSON Tough break. Whoa. EDDIE What did you expect? Vince is as dirty as they come. We've been finding bodies around here for years. CHRISTY I don't know anything about bodies! I mean, he didn't bring it home. He was good to me... sometimes. He was sweet. He took care of me. Who am I supposed to go out with? He owns a casino. He let me sing. EDDIE He didn't do you a favor. CHRISTY Screw you! TATE Come on, she'll sing great. When she sings for us. CHRISTY Sing -- like testify? Are you nuts? I just want you to protect me! You're cops! TATE Busy cops. We don't have time to be bodyguards for anyone who comes in here with some cockamamie story. Mink coats and laundry chutes. CLARKSON Unless, of course, you're willing to testify. Page 17. CHRISTY What is this, some squeeze play? Can't you just protect me without any strings? The three detectives move in closer now and really apply the pressure. EDDIE We could put you into our witness protection program. TATE A hiding place. CLARKSON A new identity. EDDIE But you'd have to agree to testify. The whole nine yards. CHRISTY And if I don't? EDDIE Then-you run. TATE You wait. CLARKSON You listen for the footsteps. EDDIE Then one day they find you. TATE They open a window. CLARKSON It's ten flights up. TATE Ten flights down. CHRISTY Ten flights? EDDIE You'd lose. You'd die. All over the sidewalk. And into the street. CHRISTY All right! I get the picture! I'll do it! I'll testify! EDDIE (to Tate) Get a stenographer. Page 18. Tate leaves. Christy looks to Eddie for a bargain now. CHRISTY Okay, here's what I want. I know about this stuff. A five-star hotel. With room service. EDDIE Maybe Hawaii. CLARKSON Diamond Head. CHRISTY Yeah. And I'll need a new look. Like a disguise. EDDIE Maybe Armani. CLARKSON No -- Calvin Klein. CHRISTY For sportswear. And a limo. And my hair -- up? CLARKSON It could work. EDDIE Jesus, what do you think this is -- Wheel of Fortune? Let me spell it out for you. You have to hide like you don't even exist. You have to get so far hidden away that you never see sunlight. CHRISTY (confused) Okay -- no limo. EDDIE No nothing. CHRISTY What're you gonna do, put me in a bag and bury me? EDDIE I'm gonna put you in the last place on Earth that Vince would ever look for you. Eddie smiles. Christy doesn't like the sound of this at all a Page 19. INT. STAINED CLASS WINDOW - DAY Jesus delivers the Sermon on the Mount in vibrant red, blue and green stained glass. An ORGAN plays a hymn -- badly. Notes are missed, skipped over and mutilated. PAN DOWN to a procession of nuns who march into a chapel at the ancient St. Katherine's Convent. The organ isn't getting any better, and we see it is being played by SISTER ALMA, a seventy-year-old nun with arthritis and a hearing aid. Apparently the hearing aid is malfunctioning, because Sister Alma doesn't seem to realize how badly she's playing. As the last nun in the procession enters the chapel, she closes the door behind her. Across the lobby, the front door opens and Eddie enters with a very reluctant Christy. CHRISTY (to Eddie) I hate you. I totally hate you. EDDIE Safest place in the world. You think Vince would look for you here? As Christy looks around the lobby, various religious artifacts loom at her; we see them from her terrified P0V. ANGLE on a crucifix, casting an ominous shadow, a stack of hymnals, and a large, framed Sunday School-style portrait of St. Katherine. Christy shudders. CHRISTY Nuns, Eddie. There are nuns here. Everywhere. It's crawling with 'em. EDDIE It's a convent. All you have to do is shut up, behave yourself, and get along. CHRISTY With nuns? With rulers? No way. I'm gonna go back, work things out with Vince. Christy turns to head back to the entrance, but Eddie catches her arm. EDDIE Vince has put out a contract on you. A hundred grand. You've seen him in action. Christy searches his eyes for a lie, but realizes he's telling the truth. CHRISTY But... but Vince loves me. How could he... I mean, five years... Page 20. EDDIE And one bullet. That's all it's gonna take. CHRISTY (suddenly scared) But Vince has contacts all over the place! This is San Francisco! They'll be looking for me! EDDIE Everywhere but this little hole-in-the- wall convent. Nobody knows you're here but me. We're trying to get a quick court date. A month, maybe two, tops. I'll spring you as soon as I can. CHRISTY (panicking) I can't stay here! I'll crack up! Eddie, what am I gonna do? EDDIE Pray. (smiling) From inside the chapel, the CHOIR begins to sing a hymn -- horribly. The voices don't blend, and individual notes are real migraine material. Christy looks aghast. Eddie urges her into a corridor, and she follows. INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE The office is bare and austere. MOTHER SUPERIOR sits at her desk with her hands folded. Like all the nuns at the convent, she wears the traditional full-length habit and wimple. Mother Superior is in total command of all she surveys, and she seldom raises her voice or her blood pressure as she rules. Control is her passion; within the walls of the convent, she has created a world she can trust because it's a world she controls. But Mother Superior is not in control at this particular moment. BISHOP GEORGE O'HARA stands before her with a majestic presence and some bad news. MOTHER SUPERIOR Absolutely not. I am very sorry, but no. O'HARA We can save this young woman's life, and imprison a parasite -- all in one gesture. Page 21. MOTHER SUPERIOR But she's been exposed to the underside of life. She is the underside of life. O'HARA And therefore an ideal prospect for rehabilitation. MOTHER SUPERIOR We're a small convent, Bishop. Surely there are... more appropriate shelters. O'HARA Your small convent is in danger of closing, Reverend Mother. The Las Vegas Police Department has offered to make a generous financial donation. MOTHER SUPERIOR But, Bishop... O'HARA St. Katherine's is a Benedictine Order. You have taken a Vow of Hospitality. To all in need. MOTHER SUPERIOR I lied. O'HARA I know. (smiling) Mother Superior's jaw locks. She realizes she is stuck with the situation and will have to control it as best she can. There is a KNOCK at the door, and Eddie and Christy enter. O'HARA Welcome, Lieutenant. Everything is in order. EDDIE Aces. Bishop -- maybe a cup of coffee, down at the corner? The thought of being left alone with Mother Superior panics Christy, like a child left in the principal's office. CHRISTY Hey, you're not leaving me alone... O'HARA (reassuringly) You're never alone in this house, my child. Eddie touches her gently on the arm. Page 22. EDDIE One month, two tops. Behave yourself. MOTHER SUPERIOR Bishop... (a last-ditch attempt) O'HARA (opening the door to leave) Lieutenant? CUT TO: EXT. THE CONVENT - A FEW SECONDS LATER Eddie and Bishop 0'Hara are leaving, by the convent's front door. As they exit, they hear the CHOIR, singing horribly. They both wince at the sound, and then chuckle. INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE Christy is pacing, outraged at her new situation. CHRISTY A convent? They put me in a convent? What's the problem? Wasn't there any more room in Hell? MOTHER SUPERIOR (very calm) What is your full name? Your Christian name? CHRISTY Mother Theresa. Gandhi. Don't you understand? This is all a mistake. I'm the good guy. I'm the witness. And I'm being punished! MOTHER SUPERIOR Your name? CHRISTY Christy. Christy Van Cartier. MOTHER SUPERIOR Enough joking. CHRISTY That's my real name! Currently I'm a singer. Sort of. MOTHER SUPERIOR Very well. CHRISTY Oh my God. This isn't happening, tell me this isn't happening. It's a nightmare, I'm back at St. Anne's! Page 23. MOTHER SUPERIOR St. Anne's? CHRISTY Parochial school. Akron. St. Android's. MOTHER SUPERIOR You were unhappy? CHRISTY I was expelled! When I was fifteen? MOTHER SUPERIOR The reason? CHRISTY Beats me! What do you think? Smoking! Heavy petting, without a chaperone. Heavy petting, with the chaperone. And wearing a black bra, under my uniform. The demon bra. MOTHER SUPERIOR I see. CHRISTY You see? You see? I have to get out of here I have to make a phone call. Don't you get it? I'm in a convent! You're a nun! MOTHER SUPERIOR (very stern) Sit down. CHRISTY What? Mother Superior rises. She is an extremely imposing woman. MOTHER SUPERIOR Sit. Christy sits in a wooden chair across from Mother Superior. MOTHER SUPERIOR Miss Van Cartier. CHRISTY What? (belligerent) MOTHER SUPERIOR Your cigarette -- out. Christy inspects her cigarette. Page 24. MOTHER SUPERIOR (ruefully) It has come to pass. CHRISTY What? MOTHER SUPERIOR I joined this convent some thirty years ago. At that time, the world knew some measure of peace. And hope. Our order was a beacon of hospitality, to families, to children, to a neighborhood filled with promise. And, as the years have passed, I have watched that promise destroyed. Drugs. Gangs. (staring at Christy's outfit) Spandex. And. so I have made this convent an oasis, a retreat from horror. And now that horror has invaded these sacred walls. CHRISTY Are you talking about me? MOTHER SUPERIOR And all those like you. CHRISTY You mean black people? MOTHER SUPERIOR Absolutely not. I mean the wicked. The heedless. And their Las Vegas concubines. CHRISTY (very suspicious) What's a concubine? MOTHER SUPERIOR Check your driver's license. Christy stands, facing off with Mother Superior. CHRISTY Fine. Got it. Look, the way I see it, I'm stuck here, right? I mean, I'm here or I'm target practice. So here's the deal -- I don't bug you, you don't bug me. I'll catch up on some sleep, watch some tube, lay back and lay low. So just get me a key and show me to my room, and do not disturb. Capisce? MOTHER SUPERIOR (suspiciously gracious) Of course. But it's almost lunch. Page 25. CHRISTY Cool. Is there a menu? Or buffet? MOTHER SUPERIOR Before we do, you might like to freshen up. And you'll certainly want to change CHRISTY (sniffing her clothes, the same outfit she's had on since the night at Vince's office) Deal. INT. CONVENT CHANGING ROOM A small room, with a sewing machine, some bolts of fabric, and several wooden cabinets. There is a wooden screen in a corner, marking a changing area. Christy is behind the screen; we hear her, but do not see her, Mother Superior stands beside the screen, catching the various items of clothing which Christy tosses to her. CHRISTY (O.S.) How about a robe? One of those big terry cloth jobs, with like embroidery on the pocket. "Guest of St. Katherine's" MOTHER SUPERIOR Would you like that? Mother Superior takes Christy's skirt and blouse, and tosses them down a chute marked "INCINERATOR." CHRISTY (O.S.) You should hand-wash that blouse, and send somebody out for some things. I look good in reds, purples, hot pink -- and shoes. Five-inch heels. Fuck-me pumps. Oh, man -- sorry. 'Scuse my mouth. Mother Superior carries Christy's lacy bra at the end of a ruler; it goes down the incinerator. MOTHER SUPERIOR Excused. Open the cabinet to your left. You will find appropriate attire. CHRISTY (O.S.) Can do. INT. CHAPEL A group of nuns are praying, their heads bowed. They hear a muffled SCREAM, from elsewhere in the convent. They look up, puzzled. Page 26. INT. CONVENT CHANGING ROOM Christy is standing before a full-length mirror, staring at herself, in complete shock. She now wears a habit and wimple. Mother Superior is doing final adjustments on the wimple. CHRISTY (almost unable to speak) No! No! I can't do this! MOTHER SUPERIOR Normally dressed, you are a sore thumb, and you endanger us all. While you are here, you will conduct yourself as a nun. Only I shall know who, and what, you truly are. You will not disrupt the convent. You will not influence the Sisters with your colorful street talk. You will draw no attention to yourself in any way. CHRISTY (furious, in disbelief) But look at rites Look at this! I'm a nun! I'm invisible! I'm a penguin! MOTHER SUPERIOR As of now, and until you leave, you are Sister Mary Clarence. CHRISTY (outraged) Mary Clarence? Like a guy? Like a dumb guy? INT. CONVENT HALLWAY - A MINUTE LATER Mother Superior is striding down the hall. Christy is beside her, trying to get the hang of her new outfit. MOTHER SUPERIOR The Mary is in deference to the Holy Mother, the Clarence in honor of Saint Clarence Loyola. There are three vows that every nun must accept. The vow of poverty... CHRISTY (pulling out her pockets) No problem. MOTHER SUPERIOR The vow of obedience. CHRISTY Like to who? Page 27. MOTHER SUPERIOR And the vow of chastity. CHRISTY I'm outta here. Christy starts to leave; Mother Superior grabs her by the wimple INT. CONVENT DINING HALL A large, whitewashed gothic room, with oak beams and a crude iron chandelier. There is a long, central wooden table, with rough wooden benches. The convent's population is standing around the table in silence. There are about thirty nuns in all. Mother Superior moves to the head of the table, with Christy following her. She motions for Christy to stand at her right. MOTHER SUPERIOR Good afternoon, Sisters. I apologize for my tardiness. I would like you to welcome a new member of our order, Sister Mary Clarence. ANGLE on SISTER MARY ROBERT, the nun standing beside Christy. Sister Mary Robert is naive and mouse- like, but very sweet. She has only been at the convent a few years; she wears the simpler habit of a novice. She sneaks a look at Christy. Her eyes widen, and then she resumes staring at her hands. MOTHER SUPERIOR Mary Clarence comes to us from a somewhat more progressive convent. She is eager for a more disciplined life, and will make every effort to conform to our ways. Everyone sits, including Christy. SISTER MARY PATRICK, a nun seated at the middle of the table, waves her hand. Mary Patrick is extremely cheerful, a truly upbeat person. MOTHER SUPERIOR Yes, Mary Patrick? MARY PATRICK Reverend Mother, on behalf of the sisters, I'd like to welcome Mary Clarence to St. Katherine's. ANGLE on Christy, looking thoroughly disgusted. Page 28. MARY PATRICK As part of our welcome, I've had a little thought, just for fun. Could we have our new friend offer today's blessing? ANGLE on the nuns, watching Christy. MOTHER SUPERIOR (reluctantly) Very well. Mary Clarence, rise please. Christy stands up slowly, aghast. CHRISTY A blessing? Like, for lunch? ANGLE on Mary Patrick, beaming. She and the other nuns bow their heads. CHRISTY (trying to recall a blessing) For what we are about to receive... So far, so good. Mother Superior has one eye open. CHRISTY may the Lord... prepare us and... watch us and... walk through the valley and be our shepherd and... to the republic for which it stands... God bless us every one, hallowed be thy name. Hallelujah. Ave Maria. Boyardee. Amen. ANGLE on the nuns, staring at Christy. Mother Superior rises, very quickly. MOTHER SUPERIOR Sisters, for the rest of the day we shall declare a Vow of Silence. CHRISTY A what? MOTHER SUPERIOR Surely you are familiar with this practice, Mary Clarence. Only when our lips are silent, can our prayers truly be heard. CHRISTY Silence? No talking? All day? MOTHER SUPERIOR Until sundown. Page 29. CHRISTY (mouthing the words. without speaking aloud) Oh my God. Christy reaches for a piece of bread. MOTHER SUPERIOR And Mary Clarence? Christy looks up. MOTHER SUPERIOR As a new member of our order, I think you might also enjoy a ritual fast. CHRISTY (mouthing the words) A what? MOTHER SUPERIOR A fast. To remind us of the poor, of those who must endure without enough to eat. CHRISTY (mouthing) No food? MOTHER SUPERIOR (taking away Christy's plate) No food. Not until sundown. ANGLE on Christy, clutching her fork, hungrily watching the other nuns eat. EXT. POLICE STATION - DAY Vince leaves the police station with his henchmen, Joey and Willy, and LARRY NARREN, an attorney. Vince is steaming as they walk through the parking lot. VINCE They grilled me for six hours in there. And my hotshot lawyer -- where the hell were you? LARRY It takes time, Vince. Slow and steady. We've been through this before. Vince reaches his car. As Joey opens the door for him, another car drives by, and stops. Eddie is driving; he leans out the window. EDDIE So long, Vince. See you soon. Page 30. Vince lurches toward Eddie; Larry restrains him. Eddie drives off, chuckling. VINCE He's so damn cocky. This is different. JOEY It's a bluff, Vince. VINCE You know so much. They've got Christy, and we've got to find her. Get her 8x10, from in front of the lounge. Fax it to every contact we got. Larry covers his ears with both hands. LARRY I can't hear this. I'm an attorney, Vince, and you're just an honest casino owner. Object of a witch hunt. Innocent victim. VINCE Keep the message vague, but let 'em know. The price has gone up. Christy Van Cartier -- a quarter of a million. Dead or nearby. Vince looks grim and vindictive, as he gets into the car. EXT. CONVENT VEGETABLE GARDEN - DAY The vegetable patch is located behind the convent, on a patch of land surrounded by high walls. Various sections have been partitioned with string and then furrowed. Several nuns are working in the patch, weeding and raking. They wear large, ungainly straw hats over their wimples. Christy has been given a hoe and a straw hat. She is hacking at the dirt, with great disinterest. She picks up a carrot from the vegetable patch; she looks around to see if anyone is watching. She starts to gnaw on the carrot. She becomes aware that someone is watching her. She looks up. Sister Mary Robert is watching Christy eat the carrot, breaking her fast. Christy drops the carrot on the ground, as if it burned her. Mary Robert resumes hoeing in the next furrow over. Christy stares at Mary Robert, narrowing her eyes. Christy looks around; all the other nuns are busy at their tasks. Christy decides that she will try and make Sister Mary Robert talk. She picks up the carrot and tosses it at Mary Robert. Mary Robert jumps. She waggles a finger at Christy, scolding her. Mary Robert resumes hoeing. Page 31. Christy is now determined. She takes her hoe, and tiptoes nearer to Mary Robert. Very gently, she uses the handle of the floe to lift Mary Robert's skirt, and gooses her. Mary Robert vips, very loudly. All the other nuns turn and stare at Mary Robert, scolding her. Christy waggles her finger at Mary Robert, scolding her. Christy, giggling to herself, resumes hoeing. She sees Mother Superior, standing at the end of the furrow. Mother Superior looks extremely grim; she has not missed anything. EXT. SUNSET - THAT NIGHT LONG SHOT of the sun going down, ending the nuns' Vow of Silence. We hear Christy SCREAM, O.S. INT. CONVENT HALLWAY - THAT NIGHT This hallway is marked by a series of heavy wooden doors with tiny, grilled windows. These are the cells where the nuns sleep. Nuns are entering their cells and closing their doors for the night. Mother Superior glides down the hall, followed by a dusty, bedraggled Christy. Christy is devouring a slice of brown bread. CHRISTY Is this all the food I get? MOTHER SUPERIOR Yes. Until breakfast. CHRISTY That's tomorrow! Don't you have any snacks? Machines? They stop by a door. MOTHER SUPERIOR This shall be your cell, Mary Clarence. CHRISTY My what? MOTHER SUPERIOR Your cell. Your room. INT. CHRISTY'S CELL The door swings open, and Mother Superior and Christy enter. The room is tiny, with bare plaster walls. There is a narrow wooden bed, with a thin muslin-covered mattress. There is a small nightstand and a wooden stool. Page 32. CHRISTY (looking around) You were right the first time. Is this like, solitary? The cooler? Where's the furniture? MOTHER SUPERIOR Our lives are simple. We have little need for material possessions. CHRISTY Right, sure thing. But what about, like, appliances? Like a little color portable? Boom box? MOTHER SUPERIOR Useless distractions. CHRISTY (sinking to the bed) It's like the Stone Age. The room time forgot. What about a phone? MOTHER SUPERIOR And whom would you call? CHRISTY Oh, I don't know... Satan? MOTHER SUPERIOR (not amused) Your cell is more than adequate. CHRISTY Right. So what do we do now? Ping- Pong? Row over to the monastery? MOTHER SUPERIOR It is nine p.m. Pleasant dreams. CHRISTY Wait. No. You're kidding. Lights out? At nine? My day's just starting. MOTHER SUPERIOR I'm sure. If I were you, I would use this time, to think about my life. And its direction. Or lack thereof. CHRISTY (indignant) What's wrong with my life? MOTHER SUPERIOR From all I've heard, just about everything. Your singing career seems all but nonexistent, and your married lover wants you dead. (MORE) Page 33 MOTHER SUPERIOR (CONT'D) If you're fooling anyone, it's only yourself. God has brought you here. Take the hint. Mother Superior leaves. After the door shuts, Christy stands and looks out the one small window in her cell. She leans her head against the wall. She is trying not to think about what Mother Superior has said. Still, the mess her life has become overwhelms her. She fights back tears. EXT. CONVENT - DAY The sun is just barely rising, as the convent BELL tolls. INT. CHRISTY'S CELL Christy is fast asleep. There is a RAPPING at the door. MARY ROBERT (0.S.) Sister Mary Clarence! EXT. CONVENT HALLWAY All the nuns are proceeding, in their simple robes and nightshirts, down the hallway. Christy's door opens; she is still in her nightshirt, and her hair is a mess. CHRISTY What? Mary Robert, in her nightshirt, stands outside. MARY ROBERT Come on, we're late. CHRISTY What? What time is it? MARY ROBERT It's after five. We have to bathe. CHRISTY (groaning) Five a.m.? INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE BATHING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER Christy is standing on line in the hall, along with several other nuns; they are waiting to take showers. They carry soap and towels. Page 34. MARY PATRICK (sincerely) Isn't it a glorious morning? Good morning, Mary Clarence. sleep well? CHRISTY Right. MARY ROBERT Is this like your old convent? MARY PATRICK Which convent was that, Sister? CHRISTY Which convent? It was, um, the Little Sisters... of the Moonlight. In Vegas. Everybody used to come to Mass. Frank. Dean. Sammy. Right at ringside. MARY LAZARUS Enough jabber. MARY LAZARUS is a much older nun; she is very no-nonsense, a hard-liner. CHRISTY What? MARY LAZARUS Progressive convents. Vanity. It sounds awful. It sounds just like this place. CHRISTY Like this place? MARY LAZARUS I like my old convent, in Vancouver. Out in the woods. It wasn't all modern, like here. No electricity. Cold water. Bare feet. Those were nuns. It was Hell on earth, but I loved it. This place is a Hilton. INT. BATHING ROOM A stone room that is very medieval-looking. One wall is divided into stalls by wooden partitions. In each stall is a nun, standing beneath a crude shower head that releases a thin stream of lukewarm water. We see only the nuns' heads and shoulders. Still sleepy, Christy leans against the wall of her stall, her eyes closed. Lost in thought, she begins singing softly to herself. Page 35. CHRISTY MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK AND YOU'RE GONNA BE IN TROUBLE A FEW OTHER NUNS (very softly) HEY-LA, HEY-LA Christy looks up from her reverie; she looks around. The other nuns are bathing, their eyes down. There is no sign of singing. Christy decides to try a test. CHRISTY MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK HE'S GONNA SAVE MY REPUTATION A FEW OF THE NUNS (still very softly) HEY-LA, HEY-LA CHRISTY IF I WERE YOU, I'D TAKE A PERMANENT VACATION A FEW OF THE NUNS HEY-LA, HEY-LA MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK The nuns giggle. CHRISTY Where did that come from? MARY PATRICK I haven't heard that song in ages. The Ronettes? MARY LAZARUS (very grouchy) Shirelles. CHRISTY You know that song? MARY PATRICK 1961? '62? Mary Clarence, that's when many of us took final vows. It's the last secular music we recall. CHRISTY No. HEY -- HE KNOWS THAT YOU BEEN CREATING NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET A BEATING ALL THE NUNS HEY-LA, HEY LA Page 36. MARY LAZARUS (cutting off the song) That's enough. We've got to get to chapel. Mary Lazarus leaves the bathing room, and the other nuns resume scrubbing themselves. Christy looks around. CHRISTY Anybody got conditioner? INT. CHAPEL - A FEW MINUTES LATER Bishop O'Hara is leading the Sunday mass. He stands in the pulpit. The choir nuns stand in a fenced-in area to his left. The remaining nuns, including Christy and Mother Superior, sit in the first few pews. O'HARA We are a small congregation this morning. Too many mornings. Something has gone terribly wrong. Where is faith? Where is celebration? Where is everyone? Still, rather than regret the absence of our neighbors, let us rejoice in the fellowship of those present. Our choirmistress, Sister Mary Lazarus, has informed me that our choir, while always superior, has been toiling especially hard on this week's selection. Sister? Mary Lazarus raises her hand, and the choir begins singing. They sing a traditional hymn, "Let Thy Thoughts Be Guided." As always, their singing is dreadful; they have no tempo or pitch, and the hymn becomes an off-key drone. As the hymn continues, the CAMERA PANS OVER the chapel. Aside from the nuns, it is almost empty; only a few elderly people are in attendance. ANGLE ON CHRISTY sitting with the other nuns. She is clearly about to fall asleep. Then the choir hits a particularly horrendous note, and Christy jerks awake. She immediately tries to assume a pious expression, tilting her head and folding her hands in prayer; she looks like a somewhat demented Sunday School calendar. EXT. LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT Detective Clarkson gets out of his car and hurries into the police station. INT. POLICE STATION Clarkson crosses the busy room to Eddie's glass-walled office. Along the way, he signals Detective Tate to follow him. Page 37. INT. MULCAHY'S OFFICE Eddie looks up from his desk as the two detectives enter. CLARKSON There was a raid on a pawnshop in L.A. this morning. The place was fencing stolen property. They found this. Clarkson gives Eddie a fax sheet, showing a publicity photograph of Christy. EDDIE Jesus. Data-base hoods. It's a wonderful world. (reading the fax sheet) Beloved daughter missing. Reward of two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Please find our adored angel, we miss her so. Dead or alive. TATE Vince is getting desperate. Where is she, Eddie? Where'd you stash her? EDDIE Where's who? TATE You won't even tell us? EDDIE I wouldn't even tell the Pope. INT. CONVENT SCHOOLROOM - AN HOUR LATER A plain whitewashed classroom, with battered student-style desks. A group of about eight local TEENAGE GIRLS has gathered. The girls wear extremes of hair, makeup and clothing; they are bored and scruffy, clearly the local bad Girls. Sister Mary Patrick is leading the class, in her usual perky manner. MARY PATRICK Good afternoon, young ladies. And welcome to our Christian Youth Group. The Girls make grunting noises. MARY PATRICK Hi. I hope we'll have some fun, and maybe learn a little something, too. Now, today's topic is something very up-to- date -- "Teenage Promiscuity." My. Now, can anyone tell me -- just what is promiscuity? ANGLE on the Girls, exchanging glances and rolling their eyes. Page 38 MARY PATRICK Anyone? Yes? Mary Patrick points to a Girl in bicycle pants. a bustier and a leather baseball cap. Her name is Lawanda. LAWANDA Uh, it's like, you know, doin' it. A whole lot. Till your head falls off. MARY PATRICK (blushing) Well, yes. That is one way to put it. Mother Superior enters the classroom accompanied by Christy MOTHER SUPERIOR Sister Mary Patrick? MARY PATRICK Yes? MOTHER SUPERIOR I need to see you, at once. Girls, please excuse Sister Mary Patrick for a few moments. Mary Clarence? CHRISTY Yeah? MOTHER SUPERIOR Girls, this is Sister Mary Clarence. She'll be minding you until Sister Mary Patrick's return. Mary Clarence, please assign a biblical passage. Do not attempt discussion. Am I understood? CHRISTY I got it. MOTHER SUPERIOR (to Mary Patrick) Come, Sister. Mother Superior and Mary Patrick leave the classroom. Christy now stands at the front of the room. She is visibly uncomfortable. CHRISTY So, hi there. I'm... Sister Mary Clarence. And you're... young Christians. I guess I should assign you this passage. What's good? What were you talking about? LAWANDA We were talking about the wild thing. Teen promiscuity. Page 39 CHRISTY (after a beat) Really. CHARLENE Yeah. Sister Mary Pat was discussing it. You know she thinks it's a sin. CHRISTY (trying to behave) Well... yes. Yes it is. LAWANDA (goading Christy) How come? Sister? CHRISTY (still trying to behave) Well... because it's in the Bible. "Thou shalt not..." Thou shalt not. The Girls all laugh and make jeering noises. CHRISTY Excuse me -- just what are you all doing here? At Sunday School? LAWANDA 'Cause we love it so damn much. And cause we gotta come here. Probation. CHRISTY Probation? CHARLENE Yeah. We all got caught. Shoplifting. Cuttin' school. Cuttin' up some bitch with a blade. So we gotta come here. So we'll be good, in the future. So we'll learn valuable lessons. And I learned mine. I will be incredibly good, I will never rip out nobody's nose-ring by accident ever again. Can I go now? CHRISTY (getting fed up) Yeah, you learned a whole lot, I can tell. LAWANDA Well, what would you know about it, anyway? What do any of you nunheads know about anything? About doin' the nasty, or gettin' high? CONCHITA Leave her alone, Lawanda, she's just some ol' nun! Don't pick on no nun, it's bad luck! Page 40. CHRISTY (fed up) Shut up! All the Girls look up, stunned by Christy's language. CHRISTY Okay, so maybe I'm a nun -- so, you want to ask me something? You want to listen, for once in your little lives? You want to pay some attention? CHARLENE What about crack? You a user? CHRISTY I said I was a nun, not an asshole. All the girls jeer at Charlene. KESHIA Got you, Charlene! CONCHITA Dunked by the nun! LAWANDA (more sincerely) Well, what about the sex stuff? What if some dude is after you, and he's always saying stuff, commin' on sweet and mellow. Like, oh, baby, you know you'll love it. Oh, baby, if you loved me, you'd stay. CHRISTY And you listen to that? LAWANDA No, but... I don't know... sometimes. CHRISTY Hey, I know, it's hard. But do what I do. LAWANDA (puzzled) What you do? CHRISTY Just tell him, I do love you, but I can't -- I'm a nun. The girls all laugh; they are really beginning to like Christy. Page 41. CHARLENE But, like what if you are doin' it? What about protection? Who's responsible? CONCHITA What about them things, you know, for the guy? Aren't they like, a mess to put on? Don't they kinda mess up the mood? CHRISTY Deal with it, sweet thing. It's important, nowadays. You just practice at home, with a balloon and a banana. MOTHER SUPERIOR (0.S.) Mary Clarence! Mother Superior has returned, with Mary Patrick. Everyone has been so wrapped up in the discussion, that no one has noticed their entrance. CHRISTY (thinking on her feet) Because a banana is part of a balanced breakfast. And don't forget fiber. INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE - LATER THAT DAY Mother Superior is seated behind her desk; she is very angry. Christy sits across from her. MOTHER SUPERIOR A balloon and a banana! Tell me, Mary Clarence, what were you thinking? CHRISTY Those girls were asking questions. They've got it rough. I wish somebody had talked to me about that stuff when was their age. I wish somebody would talk to me about it now. MOTHER SUPERIOR This is a convent, not a clinic. We offer moral guidance, not hardware. CHRISTY Have you been out in those streets? Do you know what those kids are up against? You should help them! MOTHER SUPERIOR We are nuns. We seek solutions through prayer. Page 42. CHRISTY Sometimes it's not enough! MOTHER SUPERIOR You are correct. Sometimes prayer alone cannot help a situation. Such as your own, for example. How do you feel about physical labor? CHRISTY It never solves anything. MOTHER SUPERIOR Do your recall the words of Saint Peter, in Ecciesiastes 1:27? He spoke unto a wastrel youth. He said, "Take up thy task, and know ye the path of contentment." CHRISTY In English? MOTHER SUPERIOR How to put it... ah, Of course, Mary Clarence. "No pain, no gain." Mother Superior smiles in a rather evil manner. INT. VINCE'S OFFICE - DAY Vince is on the telephone in his office at the Moonlight Hotel and Casino. He clearly has a new mistress or two. VINCE (very seductive) Baby, you know I do... of course... I feel it too... I'm blushing... can you hold? A second telephone RINGS, and Willy answers it. Vince meanwhile has pushed a button on his phone and is involved in a second romantic call. VINCE Soon, you gorgeous thing... tell me... how lonely? WILLY It's that call you were expecting, Vince. VINCE Can you hold? Can you try? Willy passes the phone to Vince. t Page 43 VINCE Have you found out where Christy is yet? Hey, bozo, you re on my payroll! You want to try making it on a cop's salary? Find her, and find her now! Vince passes the phone back to Willy. VINCE Raise the ante to three hundred grand. Willy heads for the fax machine. Vince regains his composure, and picks up his own phone; he pushes a button. VINCE Sorry, baby... you are? Totally? Not a stitch?... Yeah, I'm naked too... inside... INT. CONVENT CRAFTS ROOM This is a large, open room where the nuns create various gift items which the convent sells to support itself. Several nuns sit at a table, diligently hand-painting Christmas cards and making Christmas tree ornaments. On the other side of the room is a large, free-standing loom, which resembles a grand piano. The loom is wooden; a tapestry is half-completed. Mary Patrick is seated at the loom, which is a complicated mechanism. Christy stands beside her. MARY PATRICK The minute I saw you. I said to myself, she's a weaver. Have you ever used a loom? CHRISTY Not in years. MARY PATRICK Well, it all comes back, in just a jiffy. I'm working on a wall-hanging, of the convent. CHRISTY Why? MARY PATRICK To sell, of course. I hate to say it, but we're in terrible trouble here at St. Katherine's. We need a new roof, the furnace is going, and there's no money. CHRISTY But don't you get money? From the Vatican? Page 44. MARY PATRICK Mary Clarence. Goose. We're completely self-supporting. Like all convents. Like yours. CHRISTY Oh, right. At my old place, we used to... wash cars. Groom dogs. So... nice loom. MARY PATRICK Isn't it lovely? Now I'll demonstrate, and then you can hop right in. (as she deftly works the loom) You just draw your beater in, keep it pressed against the pick, and open the shed. Then pass your shuttle, beat, and open the next shed. Shuttle. beat, beat, shuttle, beat, shed. Keep tension on the warp. Is that clear? CHRISTY (pretending to be fascinated) Just about. Show me again. MARY PATRICK You betcha. CRAFTS ROOM - AN HOUR LATER ANGLE on the wall hanging, which has progressed considerably. ANGLE on Christy, leaning against the wall, thumbing through a magazine. ANGLE on Mary Patrick, hard at work at the loom. MARY PATRICK Shuttle, beat, shed. And watch your heddles. CHRISTY I love my heddles. Show me again. Mother Superior appears. MOTHER SUPERIOR Mary Clarence -- how is your weaving progressing? MARY PATRICK Oh, she's doing just fine, Reverend Mother - Page 45. CHRISTY Really catching on. MOTHER SUPERIOR Good. Mary Patrick, I need you in the office. Mary Clarence, carry on. Mother Superior gestures to the loom. Christy sits at the loom, and waves as Mother Superior and Mary Patrick exit. Christy stares at the loom; a look of horror crosses her face. She has not been paying attention to Mary Patrick's instructions. She cracks her knuckles, as if she were about to play the piano. She grabs two parts of the loom, at random. She moves these parts. ANGLE on the loom. As a result of Christy's movements, the loom collapses, piece by piece. The tapestry unravels, the many skeins of wool snap, and the mechanical apparatus disintegrates, until finally the entire loom shudders and falls to the floor, as Christy watches, aghast. INT. CORRIDOR Mother Superior is striding down the hall; she is livid. Christy trails behind her, trying to keep up. CHRISTY I'm sorry, I'm not a weaver! MOTHER SUPERIOR Months of work, and the loom, absolutely ruined! CHRISTY Look, this isn't my kind of thing! I wasn't cut out to make little tapestries, or knit little sweaters! I don't do that! I'm a star! Mother Superior stops dead in her tracks; she turns and stares at Christy. Then she smiles, in a rather frightening manner. MONTAGE - CHRISTY A)on her hands and knees. scrubbing the stone floor of a convent hallway. B)crawling along between the pews in the chapel, oiling every inch of wood with a bottle of polish and a rag. C)crawling along the convent roof, cleaning out gutters with a trowel. She discovers a dead rat in one of the gutters. Page 46 D)sewing; she is repairing a hole in a habit. The CAMERA PULLS BACK. Christy is sitting in a small stone room, surrounded by piles of torn habits, linen and other mending. INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE Christy is on the phone in the darkened office. She keeps checking the door, to make sure no one is listening. CHRISTY (into phone) Let me talk to Detective Eddie Mulcahy. It's an emergency. Real bad. EDDIE'S VOICE Mulcahy. Christy cups her hand around the phone and speaks quietly and frantically. INTERCUT between Christy and Eddie. CHRISTY Eddie, you've got to get me out of here. EDDIE Not again. You can't keep calling. Somebody's going to catch on to where you are. CHRISTY But I'm going insane! All these people do is pray and work, work and pray! I don't get it -- when's the weekend? They have gruel, Eddie, that's what they call food! Gruel -- it's like Alpo for nuns! I sleep in a cell, on a board, and I pray five times a days Do you know what I pray for, Eddie, do you have any idea? Check your crotch, Eddie --anything fall off yet? Get me outta her! EDDIE Calm down. Look, I didn't want to tell you this, but we've had some problems with our protection program lately. CHRISTY Like what? EDDIE Keeping our witnesses alive. We hide them, but there's a leak in the department, and they end up dead. CHRISTY You son-of-a-bitch! Page 47 EDDIE I just need a few more weeks, CHRISTY But it's a nightmare! Mother Superior is out to get me! She hates my guts! She keeps thinking up new kinds of torture! In the distance, Christy hears the CHOIR practicing; they sound even worse than usual. CHRISTY (holding the phone out) Do you hear that? That choir? Eddie, in here, that's what they call music! EDDIE Don't call again. It's not safe. I'll be in touch. As the line goes dead, Mother Superior enters. Christy takes her dust rag and pretends to polish the receiver. She sings as she works. CHRISTY THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC... Still singing, Christy breezes out of the room. Mother Superior looks mystified. INT. CHRISTY'S CELL - MIDNIGHT Christy is lying flat out on her bed, in her habit, utterly exhausted by the week's hard labor. There is a meek SCRATCHING at her door. CHRISTY (without moving) Yeah? Sister Mary Robert enters, very shyly. She barely looks up. CHRISTY What? What does she want now? I did the dishes. I oiled the pews. I dusted the hymnals. Two hundred hymnals. Why can't people share? MARY ROBERT (not speaking above a whisper) I... I... Page 48. CHRISTY What? MARY ROBERT I... I brought you something. CHRISTY A cigarette? MARY ROBERT An extra heel of bread. Please take it, you need your strength. You've been working so hard. Mary Robert holds out a rather rugged crust of brown bread. Christy takes it.. CHRISTY Thanks. So which one are you? Sister Bruce? Sister Doug? MARY ROBERT (until almost whispering) Mary Robert. I'm... Mary Robert. CHRISTY Right. Okay. Bob. Nice to know you. Mary Robert nods, and resumes looking at her hands. She doesn't 1eave, but she's still tongue-tied. Christy is at a loss. CHRISTY So, Bob, how long have you been in? St. K's? MARY ROBERT Three years. Sister. CHRISTY Three years. A rookie. MARY ROBERT A novice. CHRISTY Yeah, like a learner's permit, right? When do you hit the big time? You know, when do you take the final vows? Mary Robert bursts into tears. CHRISTY Whoa! Bob! What's going on here? What'd I say? Page 49. MARY ROBERT (still sobbing) You have to help me CHRISTY Right, sure, but what's the problem? Are they keeping you a prisoner here? Do they drug you? Did Reverend Mother like, kidnap your parents? We can call the Enquirer. MARY ROBERT No, you don't understand -- I don't want to get out! I want to get in? CHRISTY Excuse me? MARY ROBERT Oh. Mary Clarence, I'm so unworthy. I want to take my final vows, I would do it tomorrow, but Reverend Mother won't let me! CHRISTY She won't? Why not? MARY ROBERT She says I should wait. She says that no one should become a nun as an escape from life. She says that I'm not experienced enough to make the decision yet. In a mature manner. CHRISTY She said that? Reverend Mother? Mary Robert nods, solemnly. Suddenly, from the streets outside the convent, we hear a BLAST OF hot dance MUSIC, and the SOUND of laughter and carefree conversation. CHRISTY Well, then there's only one thing to do. MARY ROBERT What? CHRISTY Reverend Mother says you need experience, right, in life. In order to make a responsible decision. This is going to be very painful for me. You know how much I love this little room. This whole convent. Wait. Christy stands, and goes to the crucifix hanging on the wall. She speaks to the crucifix, and listens, as if Jesus is advising her. Page 50. CHRISTY (to Jesus) Must I do this thing, 0 Lord? Please help me.,. yes, I know... I must put my selfish cares aside... I must think of others... yes, she's here... (she gestures to Mary Robert) He says hi... yes, I understand... let thy will be done. Amen. You too. Christy turns to Mary Robert, having received a holy message. CHRISTY We must do this sacred thing, Mary Robert. MARY ROBERT (desperate) Of course! We must do it! It's the will of God! What is it? CHRISTY (shutting her eyes, for the full spiritual effect) We must... get you some experience. We must... leave this place. MARY ROBERT Are you sure? Another BLAST OF MUSIC from the street. Christy turns to the crucifix. She gets confirmation. CHRISTY (to Jesus) We hear you. EXT. STREET The outer wall of the convent. A door swings open, and Christy sticks her head out. She looks both ways, and steps outside. She beckons to Mary Robert, who appears from behind her. Mary Robert looks very wary. Christy pulls her along. EXT. A STREET NEARBY Christy and Mary Robert walk along a street a few blocks from the convent. MARY ROBERT (looking around cautiously) Are you sure this is what Reverend Mother had in mind? Page 51. CHRISTY I know it is. It's life. Experience. Take a deep breath. Christy breathes deep, and then lets out a whoop. She spins, letting her habit billow around her. MARY ROBERT (shocked) Mary Clarence! CHRISTY Now you. Mary Robert's eyes widen. She points to herself -- "Me?" Christy nods. Mary Robert lets out a tiny little whoop, and does a little, timid hop. CHRISTY It's a start. EXT. SOCIAL CLUB A neighborhood hang-out, the windows bright with neon beer signs. The exterior is colorfully painted; the club all but explodes with good times. A group of teenagers lounge on the steps, sipping beers and smoking. Among the teenagers are the girls from Christy's Christian Youth group. Christy and Mary Robert approach, and the group falls silent. CHRISTY How are you doing. LAWANDA (puzzled) Hey, Sisters. Are you going in there? CHRISTY You know it. MARY ROBERT We need experience. CHRISTY (remembering she's a nun) It's part of St. Katherine's new community outreach program. How old are you? You shouldn't be smoking. Have you ever seen a diseased lung? Hand 'em over. Lawanda reluctantly hands over her cigarettes. Christy turns to a TEENAGE BOY who's drinking beer. Page 52. CHRISTY And you, with the devil's brew passing through your lips. (holding out her hand) A mind is a terrible thing to waste. The boy hands over the beer. Christy and Mary Robert enter the club. INT. SOCIAL CLUB Christy enters the club and grins. She takes a drag on the cigarette. Mary Robert grabs the beer from Christy's hand, and takes a swig. CHRISTY (shocked) Bobs MARY ROBERT Experience! Right? CHRISTY Right. The club is alive with activity; the bar is crowded, couples are making out at small tables, and the dance floor is packed. The atmosphere is a combination of hazy darkness and colored lights; the club should have the feeling of a hot neighborhood party, with people of all ages and races. The MUSIC percolates, and Christy starts to move to it. She and Mary Robert find a table in the corner, and signal a nearby waitress. CHRISTY A couple of bowls of chili. (holding up the beer) And another round of these. The waitress looks at the two women strangely; the club has never hosted nuns before. MARY ROBERT (to the waitress, confidentially) I have to do this. So I can become a nun. CHRISTY (to the waitress) Initiation. You understand. Later on, we make her wear her underwear on her head. MARY ROBERT Really? Page 53 CHRISTY (to the waitress) And she wants to be a nun. The waitress leaves, shaking her head. Christy and Mary Robert watch the action at the club. Across the room, MIKE the bartender stares at the nuns, especially Christy; he tries to place her. MARY ROBERT Who are all these people? CHRISTY This is your neighborhood. Your turf. You should get to know 'em. From across the room, Mike the bartender continues to study Christy's face. He takes out a copy of Vince's fax photo and stares at it. He covers Christy's hair in the photo with his hands, creating a wimple. There is no question in his mind; the two are the same. Mike has a dangerous look in his eyes as he takes a gun from the drawer and slips it into his pocket beneath his apron. There is a LIVE BAND on a small stage at one end of the club. They start playing a hot dance number, and the club really begins to cook, as the dance floor fills. Christy and Mary Robert, both still seated, start to move with the music. A very good-looking LOCAL DUDE comes over to the nuns table. He is clearly amused at their presence. DUDE Hey, Sisters -- how you doin'? CHRISTY (flirting) Better now. DUDE How come they let you out? Out of that convent place? CHRISTY Time off. For bad behavior. DUDE Oww! A nun havin' fun! I don't believe it! It's good to have you ladies in this fine establishment. So... anybody on the move? MARY ROBERT (standing up) I am. Page 54. CHRISTY Bob! What're you doing? Mary Robert leads the Dude out onto the dance floor. MARY ROBERT I'm getting experience. CHRISTY (to the Dude) You watch yourself! Christy decides she'd better keep an eye on Mary Robert; she grabs another DUDE, and heads for the dance floor. As the music percolates, Christy and Mary Robert dance; Christy is very hot, and Mary Robert picks up on her moves. The CLUB PATRONS are delighted, and cheer as the nuns start to get down. CLUB PATRON #1 Do it, Sisters! CLUB PATRON #2 Sway and pray! As the song, and the nuns' exuberant dancing, peak, the Club Patrons cheer, shouting "Hallelujah!" and "Amen!" EXT. STREET - NIGHT Christy and Mary Robert are walking back to the convent. They are both in very good spirits. MARY ROBERT Those people are wonderful! Why don't we ever see them in church? CHRISTY Good point. Especially that dude you were with. I'd like to see him down front. MARY ROBERT (giggling) Mary Clarence! You're so... different from the other sisters. Sometimes, well... sometimes you sound more like a layperson. CHRISTY Honey. As the two women laugh together, they don't notice the car that begins to follow them, creeping slowly forward with its headlights out. Page 55. MARY ROBERT I can't wait to tell Reverend Mother about all my experiences. I've learned so much. CHRISTY Well, you know, you don't have to tell her everything. I mean, nothing really happened. We just... took a walk. The car's bright lights suddenly switch on, and the nuns turn, startled. The car hurtles toward them. They scream, and Christy grabs Mary Robert and throws her out of the car's path; the two women land on a pile of garbage bags. Struggling to her feet, Christy sees the car go into reverse, and then pull forward again. She sees a glint of light reflect off a gun as the car's driver (Mike the bartender) leans out the window. CHRISTY (to Mary Robert) Run! Christy shoves Mary Robert towards an alley. As she does so, the gun GOES OFF with a red flash. The shot misses the two women and SHATTERS a plate glass window of the store behind them. EXT. ALLEY Running up the alley, Christy and Mary Robert hear Mike's FOOTSTEPS chasing them, growing louder as he gains on them. MARY ROBERT Mary Clarence! CHRISTY Keep moving! Christy grabs the ladder of a fire escape, and shoves Mary Robert up the ladder ahead of her. CHRISTY Climb! Now! As Christy and Mary Robert climb the fire escape, another GUNSHOT ECHOES in the alley, ricocheting off the fire escape. The nuns climb higher up the building. Mike pursues, looking for a shot between the steps and the landings, but not finding any openings. He takes the steps two at a time and begins to gain ground. At the fourth floor landing, Christy's heel gets stuck in the grating. She pulls frantically at the laces. Page 56. CHRISTY Goddamn it! MARY ROBERT Mary Clarence! Mike arrives at the landing just as Christy twists her toot out of the shoe, and surprises him with a lunge for the gun. Mike's hand is knocked back against the metal frame of the fire escape, and the gun flies loose, RATTLING down the metal steps to the landing below. Christy shoves Mary Robert into the open window of an apartment, and follows her in. INT. TENEMENT APARTMENT Christy and Mary Robert leap into the bedroom of an Hispanic couple, their arms wrapped around each other in bed. At the women's entrance, the couple looks up, stunned to see two nuns in their bedroom. MARY ROBERT Oh my Lord! CHRISTY (pushing Mary Robert forward) Experience! The couple continues to look stunned as the nuns race out of the room. EXT. CONVENT - NIGHT Christy and Mary Robert run up to the side door of the convent; they catch their breath. MARY ROBERT What was all that? Who was that man? Why would he shoot at us? CHRISTY I don't know, some people just don't like nuns. I wish I had a ruler. MARY ROBERT We could have been killed! But you saved me! (throwing her arms around Christy) Thank you, Mary Clarence! The door to the convent swings open. Mother Superior is waiting. MOTHER SUPERIOR Yes -- thank you so much. Page 57 INT.CONVENT CORRIDOR - DAY Christy sits alone outside Mother Superior's office, listening to the loud TICKING of the clock on the wall. She seems small and vulnerable, like a child sent to the principal's office. The door opens and Eddie emerges from the office. CHRISTY What'd she say? EDDIE You blew it -- big time. She doesn't want you back. CHRISTY Does she know people are trying to kill me out there? EDDIE She's counting on it. She's concerned for your safety, but she wants me to try and find another convent that will take you. Or a carnival. CHRISTY So what am I supposed to do in the meantime? EDDIE Go in and talk to her. It can't hurt. (urging her) Go. Reluctantly, Christy rises and approaches the door. She looks at Eddie, who motions her to go in. She finally does. INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE Mother Superior is working on some papers at her desk as Christy enters. Christy is trying to figure out a strategy. CHRISTY So... hi there. MOTHER SUPERIOR (not amused and not looking up) I don't believe we have anything to say to each other. CHRISTY Look... I know I shouldn't have, I'm incredibly sorry about Mary Robert, I wasn't thinking, I didn't know that would happen! Page 58. Mother Superior glances up from her work. She is justifiably outraged. MOTHER SUPERIOR Mary Robert's life was in danger! Your behavior was inexcusable! CHRISTY I know! I'm sorry I didn't mean for it to happen! And I was the one they were shooting at! MOTHER SUPERIOR Mary Clarence, I have given you every opportunity. To change. To make a decent life for yourself. CHRISTY A decent life? Excuse me? As what? A janitor? MOTHER SUPERIOR Clearly, you have learned nothing. And you present an ongoing threat, both to this convent and to yourself. CHRISTY But you can't kick me out! Guys want to kill me! You're a nun! A big nun! Aren't you supposed to have compassion? For the wayward sheep? I mean, I'm a major sinner! All-time great! Hall of Fame! Aren't I, like, your dream come true? Your Olympic event? Mother Superior stares at Christy. MOTHER SUPERIOR Mary Clarence, perhaps you are correct. CHRISTY (surprised) I am? MOTHER SUPERIOR You may stay. But I shall restrict your activities to but a single task. CHRISTY (with great dread) What? MOTHER SUPERIOR You have, I believe, some minimal background in music. Therefore, you are to join our choir. (MORE) Page 59 MOTHER SUPERIOR (CONT'D) You will sing, and you will sleep,' that is your schedule until you depart. As almost no one attends Mass, you will be unable to cause further damage. CHRISTY No. No. MOTHER SUPERIOR (smiling) You're my Olympic event. CHRISTY Not the choir, please, anything but that. The choir -- I mean, have you heard them? I'll do anything, scrub floors, toilets, you name it, but not that I MOTHER SUPERIOR (in triumph) The choir, Mary Clarence. Go for the gold. INT. CHOIR REHEARSAL ROOM - THAT DAY There are twelve nuns in the room, going over sheet music. Mary Lazarus is the group's leader; Mary Patrick and Mary Robert are also in the choir. Christy appears at the door, grimacing. CHRISTY Is this... choir practice? MARY PATRICK Sure is! Come on in, and sing a spell. Christy spots Mary Robert. CHRISTY Mary Robert, I am so sorry about last night... MARY ROBERT Now stop that. You didn't shoot at me. You were only trying to help, to give me experience. I tried to explain that to Reverend Mother, but -- I don't know if she understood. Mary Lazarus cuts off this chitchat, thrusting a hymnal at Christy. MARY LAZARUS Soprano or alto? CHRISTY (very gloomy) Whatever. Page 60. Mary Lazarus hands Christy a hymnal, and raps her baton. The choir begins to sing; Christy doesn't even bother trying. She is horrified; the choir is the worst-sounding group in history. They seem to be singing in several random keys, and they even have trouble with the words. No one looks up from their hymnals. Sister Alma, the organist with the hearing aid, is plodding along. INT. BLUE COLLAR BAR - DAY Mike the bartender is taking chairs off tables and setting them on the floor as Joey and Willy enter. JOEY We're looking for Mike. MIKE You found him -- but we're not open yet. Willy grabs Mike's arms and bends them behind his back. MIKE Hey -- the till's empty! Willy slams Mike's face into the wall, stunning him. Joey lifts Mike's groggy face and offers sympathy. JOEY I'm sorry -- I don't know what gets into him. MIKE Who are you guys? JOEY We're the guys from Vegas. You had Christy last night, but you let her get away. It's upsetting. Willy hammers Mike's face into the wall again. MIKE But you didn't tell me! JOEY We didn't tell you what? MIKE That she's a nun! That chick you're looking for -- she's a nun! WILLY What? Christy? Page 61. JOEY A nun? MIKE I'm telling you! Willy and Joey look at each other, and consider this. Then they burst out laughing. They refuse to believe Mike's story. WILLY Gimme a hand here. Willy and Joey pick Mike up, and hurl him over the bar. Then they exit, still laughing. JOEY A nun! INT. CHOIR REHEARSAL ROOM - DAY The choir continues its dreadful rendition of the hymn Let Thy Thoughts He Guided. Christy is not singing; she is clearly in pain. Mary Lazarus stops the song. One of the nuns has to nudge Sister Alma to stop her playing. MARY LAZARUS Mary Clarence, are you with us? CHRISTY Um, I don't really know this one... MARY ROBERT Mary Clarence has a background in music. That's what Reverend Mother said. MARY PATRICK (eagerly) Really, Mary Clarence? Were you a choirmistress? CHRISTY Sure. Kind of... free-lance. MARY LAZARUS (circling Christy) Free-lance? Oh really? You think I don't see? You think I took vows yesterday? I know what you're up to. You and Reverend Mother. CHRISTY What? MARY LAZARUS You're a ringer. She brought you in to replace me. Out with the old. Page 62. CHRISTY Hold on. MARY PATRICK Mary Clarence, could you? Mary Lazarus, you're terrific, but... (to Christy) Could you help us? ANOTHER NUN Please? ANOTHER NUN You've heard us. MARY LAZARUS Well. Everyone falls silent. Mary Lazarus walks across the room, eyeballing each member of the choir. MARY LAZARUS There's a word for this -- mutiny. (to Christy) So, Mary Clarence, you think you can do better. I believe I'd like to see that. (she hands Christy her pitchpipe and baton) I'm out to pasture. Dry dock. The glue factory. Go ahead, Sister -- make 'em sing. Everyone watches Christy. CHRISTY Well... (to Nary Lazarus) With all due respect... let's have a look at this. Christy goes over to the piano. She examines the sheet music for "Let They Thoughts He Guided." She sits at the piano, beside Sister Alma. Christy picks out the hymn on the piano, accompanying herself. CHRISTY LET THY THOUGHTS BE GUIDED LET THY SOUL BE HEALED Christy's singing voice is, as usual, not very good. She stops singing. For perhaps the first time in her life, she has really heard herself. CHRISTY Man. I sound like you guys. Page 63. MARY LAZARUS (victorious) Very nice. Sisters, have we learned our lesson? I won't hold this little episode against anyone. I'll try not to. CHRISTY (standing) Mary Robert. Mary Robert jumps, startled by the attention. MARY ROBERT What? CHRISTY Mary Robert, I've watched you. You never really sing. You whisper. Nothing comes out. MARY ROBERT I don't want to mess anyone up... CHRISTY (to Sister Alma) Give me a C. (because Sister Alma is hard of hearing) A C! Sister Alma plays the note. Christy points the baton at Mary Robert. Mary Robert whispers the note. CHRISTY Louder! Like you're onstage. Mary Robert sings a little louder. CHRISTY Like people are eating, and there's silverware, and you want them to hear you. Mary Robert sings louder still. CHRISTY Think about that guy you were dancing with! Mary Robert finally lets out her full voice, which is huge and glorious. After singing a single perfect note, she stops abruptly; she has scared herself. MARY ROBERT Oh my! Page 64. CHRISTY You see? We've got the voices. They're just allover the place. I've heard all of you, in the shower --you're decent. Better than me. We just need charts -- harmony -- chops. MARY PATRICK (puzzled) Chops? CHRISTY The goods. The sound. The sale. Let's rearrange a few things. Mary Patrick, you re not a natural soprano, you're an alto. Get over here. Mary Robert --with the sopranos. The two nuns trade places. CHRISTY Sister Alma -- a C. Sister Alma plays the note, and the nuns try to duplicate it, but the results aren't much better than before. Christy uses her pitchpipe; she circulates among the nuns, giving each her note, urging them closer to pitch. CHRISTY Middle section, hold that note, for dear life. Sopranos, an A. Sister Alma? Sister Alma hits the note. Christy shuffles a couple of more nuns to other sections, then gets a third note going with the altos, using her pitchpipe. For one moment, the nuns all realize they are singing a perfect chord. They are elated. MARY PATRICK We did it! We actually sang a chord! MARY ROBERT (thrilled and disconcerted) That was exciting! CHRISTY Yeah, for one second. That was the blend -- you've got to listen to each other. Be a group. MARY LAZARUS (under her breath) I knew that. CHRISTY Mary Lazarus, I get the feeling that you like discipline. Hard work. Page 65. MARY LAZARUS Of course. I'm a nun. Four Popes now. The Lord hates a loafer. CHRISTY I hear you. How many days a week do you rehearse? MARY PATRICK Two days. An hour or so. CHRISTY No way. We're a choir, right? Headliners. The big room. Two days a week won't cut it. Every day. MARY LAZARUS (impressed) She's good. MARY ROBERT (to Christy) Do you really think we could do it? Get better? CHRISTY I don't know. Mary Lazarus, what do you think? They're pretty raw. MARY LAZARUS Wet behind the ears. CHRISTY A bunch of real mama's girls. MARY PATRICK Oh, please? Can't we try? Christy and Mary Lazarus look at each other, as real comrades. Christy leans on Mary Lazarus' shoulder. CHRISTY It'll be hell. MARY LAZARUS Tell me about it. Christy and Mary Lazarus shake hands, firmly. Christy turns to the choir, very businesslike. CHRISTY Ten-hut! INT. CONVENT LAUNDRY ROOM - DAY This is a basement utility room. A large industrial washer-dryer stands along one wall; the machine makes a repetitive CHUNG-CHUNG sound Page 66. The choir nuns are busily doing laundry; some iron, others fold sheets, others stack towels and garments on a long table. Christy is helping Mary Patrick fold a sheet. Everyone is working rhythmically, to the drone of the washer-dryer. CHRISTY That machine. MARY PATRICK I know. It's ancient. CHRISTY It's a rhythm section. The beat. Christy starts clapping her hands to the sound of the washer-dryer; gradually, the other nuns join her. CHRISTY Mary Patrick -- do you remember the Dixie Cups? MARY PATRICK The Dixie Cups? Oh my. I was just a girl. Of course. (singing) SPRING IS HERE THE SUN WILL SHINE CHRISTY (stopping the beat) Hold it. Mary Patrick, you're a pretty cheerful person, aren't you? MARY PATRICK Am I? There is a murmur from all the other nuns -- "Oh, yes. M