(C) Copyright 1991 Columbia pictures.
MY GIRL
By
My Girl (1991)
Directed by
Howard Zieff
Writing credits
Laurice Elehwany
Setting: MADISON, PENNSYLVANIA 1972
START
CLOSE UP OF VADA
VADA
(to camera)
I was born jaundiced. Once I sat on a toilet
seat at a Truck stop and caught hemorrhoids.
And i've learned to live with this chicken
Bone that's been lodged in my throat for the
past three years, so I knew Dad would be
devastated when he learned of my latest
affliction.
(to Harry)
Dad, I don't wanna upset you, but my left
breast is developing at a significantly faster
rate than my right. It can only mean one
thing. Cancer. I'm dying.
HARRY
(ignoring Vada)
O.K. Sweetie, hand me the mayonnaise out of
the fridge.
FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE
Vada closes front door and goes down the steps to a group
of boys
VADA
All right, who's in raise your hand.
All the boys raise their hands except Thomas J
BOY
Are you coming or not Thomas J?
THOMAS J
I don't think so.
VADA
I knew he wouldn't come.
THOMAS J
I can't, I have to go home.
BOY#2
Yeah, to play with his DOLLS.
VADA
Leave him alone! Come on, let's go.
Group of boys enters house lead by Vada
Once inside, the group is suddenly stopped
VADA
(to boy#2)
Hey, you didn't pay me!
BOY#2
How do I know you were gonna show us one?
VADA
You're such a baby.
BOY#2
All right, here.
Boy reaches inside his pocket, gets money out and gives it
to Vada
VADA
All right, follow me and don't say a word.
They walk towards two large doors, stop, and Vada turns
around
You ready?
They enter the coffin display room, and move over to the
coffin in the middle of the room
You sure you wanna see it, or is someone
gonna go yellow belly?
BOY#3
I'm not chicken!
VADA
Okay. Lean forward.
A tense moment as the coffin lid is flung open by Vada and
the boys gasp as they look inside
GIRL#1
It's empty!
BOY#2
You're so weird!
BOY
I want my money back!
VADA
I was afraid of this.
They begin to move into another part of the house
BOY#2
Of what??
VADA
Well, sometimes when we get 'em, they're not
completely dead, you know, like when they cut
a chickens head off and it still runs around
crazy.
BOY#3
You're full of shit.
VADA
I bet she's roaming around this house
somewhere.
They open the door into the living room, where Grammoo is
in her rocking chair
There she is, in the rocking chair.
Pause, then Grammoo begins to rock the chair gently. The
boys all gasp and then all exit very quickly
VADA
Hi Grammoo.
Vada seats herself upon Grammoo's lap
HARRY
(in distance, from
downstairs)
Vada would you bring down my cigarettes?
Vada gets up and begins to leave
VADA
Seeya later.
(kisses Grammoo on forehead)
BASEMENT, HARRY & ARTHUR WORKING ON MR. LAYTON
HARRY
Did I tell you, he was my woodshop teacher.
ARTHUR
You took woodshop?
HARRY
Yeah, I made a tie rack.
ARTHUR
I made a tie rack.
Vada comes down the stairs and stops just before the corner
that would allow her to see the corpse of Mr. Layton
VADA
Ahem.
HARRY
Vada, just put 'em on the stool.
Vada places the packet on a stool
VADA
Daddy guess what I beat Thomas J in monopoly
yesterday.
HARRY
(completely ignoring Vada's
comment)
Ya, that rack holds six ties.
ARTHUR
I still have mine.
Vada recognizes Arthur's voice
VADA
Arthur!!
ARTHUR
Vada!!
VADA
I beat Thomas J in monopoly yesterday.
ARTHUR
Good for you baby.
VADA
Once you put the hotels on board walk and
Park Place he puts a shoe in your way.
ARTHUR
I like to buy off all the railroads.
Harry is slightly annoyed at Vada distracting them
HARRY
Vada, we're trying to work here.
CAMPER PULLS UP OUTSIDE SULTENFUSS HOUSE
BASEMENT
VADA
Cruella deville stole all the puppies, she
was gonna make a fur out of 'em!
HARRY
(to Arthur)
Hand me the canula.
Vada begins to sing doo-wah-diddy-diddy, Arthur joins in
HARRY
(annoyed)
VADA!
VADA
Dad?
HARRY
I'm embalming my high school teacher, don't
sing.
(beat)
All right Arthur, just a slide of the
needle.....
(fades out as Vada climbs
stairs)
Vada climbs stairs and stops to read patient note, CAUSE OF
DEATH - CANCER OF PROSTATE
HARRY
(to corpse)
One nice model C-501 bronze stainless eternal
journey, yeah, you look like a champion.
OUTSIDE SULTENFUSS' HOUSE DAY, STRANGE WOMAN GETS OUT OF
CAMPER, WALKS UP TO DOOR AND RINGS BELL, VADA ANSWERS
STRANGER
Is Mr. Harry Sultenfuss in?
VADA
Sure, come on in.
Vada and strange woman make their way to a desk in the
foyer, and sit down
So, have you had the unfortunate experience
of recently losing a loved one?
STRANGER
(puzzled look)
Could I see your Dad, just for a second?
Vada runs across to call downstairs
VADA
DAD, SOMEBODY'S HERE!!
Vada runs back to the desk
He's downstairs working on Mr. Layton.
Prostate Cancer. Once it hits your prostate,
you're a goner.
STRANGER
Oh.
Harry enters
HARRY
How may I... Help you?
STRANGER
I'm Shelly devoto. We spoke, the other day
regarding the make up artist job.
HARRY
Oh yes.
SHELLY
It's still available I hope?
HARRY
I think it's still available.
SHELLY
I'm a licensed cosmetologist, I worked for
two years, at the "Dino Raphael" Salon, all my
customers cried when I told them I was
leaving.
HARRY
Uhh, Miss devoto...
SHELLY
I have a wonderful disposition, I put people
right at ease.
HARRY
Uhh, Miss devoto, these people are already at
ease. This is not a Beauty Parlor, it's a
Funeral Parlor.
SHELLY
They're dead?
HARRY
Yes they are.
SHELLY
Stiffs??
HARRY
(for want of a better word)
Deceased.
SHELLY
The add just said "Makeup Artist"
Doorbell rings
HARRY
Ahh, excuse me a second will you?
(opens door)
Hi George, this is a twelve-fifty-eight, I
didn't want the burnished handles.
(door closes off scene)
Vada looks out the window at Shelly's camper
VADA
Is that your camper?
SHELLY
Yes it is.
VADA
That's really cool.
Grammoo walks past in a fixed stare
SHELLY
(to Grammoo)
Hello.
Grammoo keeps walking as if she hadn't heard
VADA
She's shy.
SHELLY
Oh.
Harry is standing at the door directing the men with the
coffin
HARRY
Just put it back in the display room fellers.
MEN
Okay Harry.
The men move off, Vada walks over to Harry
VADA
Daddy, how come that coffin's so small?
HARRY
They come in all sizes honey, just like
shoes.
VADA
Is it for a child?
Harry hesitates
HARRY
Of course not.
VADA
Then who's it for?
Small pause while Harry thinks of a reply
HARRY
Short people, very short people.
Shelly walks over to Harry
SHELLY
Excuse me, what about the job?
HARRY
Pardon?
SHELLY
I need the job.
HARRY
Oh, You still want it? Even though uhh...
SHELLY
Ohh, oh sure it's no big deal, you see all my
former clients will eventually die, and all
your clients used to be alive, so they have
something in common.
HARRY
You'd be doing hair and makeup and answering
the phone.
SHELLY
Okay Mr. Sultenfuss, you got a deal.
HARRY
Great, you can start right away. Call me
Harry. Now, umm, is this what you'd normally
wear for work? Don't get me wrong, I like it,
very much, but the....
SHELLY
I promise i'll take good care of these
people, they deserve it, they're dead, all
they've got left is their looks.
Harry and Vada exchange weird looks
OUTSIDE SHOPPING MALL-AREA DAY
Vada and Thomas J are riding their bikes through town
THOMAS J
Hey look at this, no feet!
VADA
Oh wow, a real evil canieval.
Vada and Thomas J ride up through a garage
PSYCHO MECHANIC
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY GARAGE, GET
OUTTA HERE!!!
Vada and Thomas J arrive outside the entrance to the
Doctors surgery, Vada enters and climbs stairs, she passes a
small boy in a wheelchair in the corridor, Vada enters room
INSIDE DOCTOR WELTY'S WAITING ROOM
NURSE RANDALL
Hi Vada, what's wrong today?
VADA
I'm very sick.
NURSE RANDALL
Okay, take a seat, i'll check if the doctor
can see you.
She picks up phone and whispers something inaudible to the
doctor
NURSE RANDALL
Okay, he'll see you, why don't you go in?
Vada opens door to doctors surgery and enters
OVER DR WELTY'S SHOULDER, CLOSE UP OF VADA HAVING HER EAR
EXAMINED
VADA
Well, what is it? I can handle it.
DR WELTY
You are perfectly healthy.
VADA
That can't be, I have all the classic
symptoms.
DR WELTY
Sweetheart, did they bring Mr. Layton to your
house today?
VADA
Yes.
DR WELTY
Vada you've gotta stop this, there's
absolutely nothing wrong with you!
Vada gets up in a mood, puts hat on, and walks to the door,
stopping and says with condescending intonation...
VADA
I'll just have to get a second opinion.
OUTSIDE DOCTORS SURGERY DAY
Vada emerges from the building and gets on her bike
THOMAS J
So, what'd he say was wrong with you?
Vada is turning and beginning to ride away
VADA
The whole medical profession is a crack.
Thomas J is trying to catch up
THOMAS J
Hey wait up for me!
BIKE RIDE DOWN MAIN STREET IN TOWN
VADA & THOMAS J ARE SINGING
Vada slows down, stops and looks at a person on a ladder
painting a house
VADA
Hey look!
Thomas J stops also
THOMAS J
At what?
VADA
That's Mr. Bixler, let's go talk to him.
THOMAS J
I don't wanna talk to a teacher, it's summer!
VADA
Hi Mr. Bixler!
Mr. Bixler turns around and sees Vada and Thomas J
MR. BIXLER
Mademoiselle Sultenfuss and the amazing Dr.
J! How's the summer treating you?
VADA
It's okay. Mr. Bixler, I finished all the
books for summer reading.
MR. BIXLER
Really? Already? The summer's just begun.
VADA
Yes, and now I'm reading War & Peace for fun.
MR. BIXLER
No wonder you're my prize pupil. What about
you Thomas J?
THOMAS J
I haven't started yet.
MR. BIXLER
Better get on his case Vada.
Mr. Bixler gets down off his ladder
VADA
Mr. Bixler, how come you're painting this old
house?
MR. BIXLER
Well I just bought it, now I'm fixing it up.
VADA
This is one big house for one single person.
MR. BIXLER
Well, you never can tell...
(Vada gets worried look on
her face)
I might get a pet.
(Vada's expression relaxes,
she smiles)
VADA
How are you gonna get the money for this old
house if you're not working?
MR. BIXLER
Well I'm gonna teach creative writing this
summer, so, I'm doing some work.
VADA
How much does it cost?
MR. BIXLER
Thirty five dollars.
VADA
What do you get for that?
MR. BIXLER
Me, two hours a week, talking about poetry.
This an interrogation Vada?
VADA
No. Well, guess i'll go home and finish off
War & Peace.
MR. BIXLER
It's summer! You're kids! Go play!
Vada and Thomas J ride off down street
SIDE ON SHOT OF VADA AND THOMAS J RIDING DOWN STREET,
CAMERA IS MOVING WITH THEM
THOMAS J
Wanna go to Gray's orchard and pick some
peaches?
VADA
No, I'm going home.
THOMAS J
Why? It's not dinner time yet.
VADA
Dinner time?? You're like a dog! You just go
home to eat.
Vada accelerates leaving Thomas J in her tracks
Don't pee on the hydrant!!
VADA'S BEDROOM
Vada puts a record on to play.
(song is "Wedding Bell
Blues")
She then opens a drawer and picks up a class photograph,
with Mr. Bixler enhaloed in a heart shape. Music begins to
play and Vada sings along the first few bars whilst looking
at the photo longingly
SULTENFUSS' DINING ROOM TABLE NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON THE
FLOOR SPRAWLED OUT, HARRY AND PHIL ARE HAVING A
CONVERSATION, AND GRAMMOO IS SITTING STARING INTO SPACE,
SHELLY ENTERS
SHELLY
Excuse me Harry, I finished Mr. Layton's
hair. He kinda looked......
(she sees Vada lying down
sprawled out on the floor)
Harry, what's wrong with her??
HARRY
Oh, she's just pretending. Vada, get up here
and eat your broccoli!
Shelly moves over and crouches down next to Vada
VADA
(very sick sounding voice)
I think it's my prostate.
All of a sudden, Grammoo begins to sing
GRAMMOO
I got rhythm, I got music, I got my man who
could ask for anything more? I got daisies, in
green pastures, I got my man, who could ask
for anything more?
As this is being sung, Shelly slowly looks up with a VERY
weird expression, this is too much for her
OUTSIDE FRONT OF HOUSE, VADA AND THOMAS J SITTING ON STEPS
DAY
Shelly exits house and closes door behind her, and then
crouches down beside Vada and Thomas J
SHELLY
Who's winning?
VADA
I am.
As Vada and Thomas J continue to play, three Vada-aged
girls come up to the end of the Sultenfuss' driveway
GIRL#1
Look, there's Vada and her little BOYFRIEND
(very mocking voice)
VADA
He is not my boyfriend!
GIRL#2
I bet she kissed him on the lips!
VADA
Do you think I kissed that ugly old thing?
THOMAS J
Yeah anyway.
GIRL#2
Come on let's go.
GIRL#1 & GIRL#2
Judy's father owns the movie theater and we
get to see all the movies WE want for free.
JUDY
Maybe you can come some time.
GUY#2
Eeeuww, don't invite HER, she'll have to
bring her boyfriend.
The two girls begin to walk off, Judy follows slowly
looking guilty and embarrassed by her friends
GIRL#2
(together)
Vada and Thomas, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-
I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage,
then comes Thomas J in a baby carriage.
Judy wanders off screen, looking sorry for Vada
SHELLY
You know Vada, you shouldn't let those girls
upset you.
VADA
I'm not upset. I will never play with those
girls. I only surround myself with people who
I find intellectually stimulating.
Thomas J looks at Shelly and smiles, he is proud to be the
friend of such an intelligent girl
SHELLY
(to Vada)
Want a piece of chocolate?
Vada shakes her head
SHELLY
Thomas J?
THOMAS J
I'm allergic to it.
SHELLY
To chocolate?
VADA
He's allergic to everything.
SHELLY
Chocolate?
VADA & THOMAS J
TO EVERYTHING.
Shelly notices a ring that Vada is wearing on her right
index finger
SHELLY
Ooh, that's a pretty ring you're wearing.
VADA
It's a mood ring, it tells what mood I'm in.
THOMAS J
It doesn't work, it always stays black.
(NOTE ring is BLACK)
VADA
It's only black when you're around 'cause you
put me in a bad mood.
SHELLY
Maybe black means you're happy?
VADA
I don't think so.
(pause)
Shelly, how can I get thirty five dollars?
THOMAS J
She's crazy, she wants to go to school over
the summer.
VADA
It's not a real school, it's a writing class,
I wanna be a writer.
THOMAS J
She only wants to do it because her sweetie
pie's the teacher.
Vada is annoyed that Shelly now knows her little secret and
pushes Thomas J
VADA
Shut your big fat mouth!
SHELLY
I think you'd make a fine writer, did you ask
your Dad?
VADA
He won't give it to me.
SHELLY
Well you don't know that. Ask him.
SULTENFUSS' LIVING ROOM, GRAMMOO AND HARRY WATCHING TV,
VADA ENTERS
Vada passes Grammoo and Harry who are watching a TV show,
she then seats herself next to Harry
VADA
Daddy, can I have thirty five dollars?
HARRY
That's a lot of money for a little girl.
VADA
It's for school, for summer writing class.
HARRY
(engrossed with TV show)
Any more soda left?
Vada pours Harry another soda
VADA
Shelly thinks I'd be a good writer.
HARRY
Last month you wanted to play the violin.
Then you wanted to be a ventriloquist.
Harry keeps his gaze fixed the entire time upon the TV
screen
VADA
Dad?
HARRY
(referring to TV)
I love this guy!
(he laughs)
VADA
Dad??
HARRY
What?
VADA
The money?
HARRY
Ahh, maybe next summer.
VADA'S THOUGHTS
He forgot about the time I wanted to be a
magician, I was really great at making myself
disappear.
FOYER OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA BOUNCING BASKET-BALL,
ARTHUR ENTERS
VADA
Wanna play?
ARTHUR
No, I gotta go to the cemetery, keep your
head up. Don't look at the ball, look at me.
Arthur grabs ball and begins to dribble it properly as a
demonstration
See. You were looking at the ball. All right?
Keep your head up. Gimme some skin,
They both give each other five i.e. Slap each others hands,
Arthur exits. Vada continues bouncing the ball, which
accidentally veers off and goes down the stairs into the
basement
SCARY MUSIC
Vada goes very slowly down the stairs, and peeks round the
corner, she is clearly very scared of the basement and the
corpses contained in it, she then rushes down and grabs the
ball. As she turns around, Shelly, who is upstairs walking
through the house and sees the door ajar, slams it shut
unaware that Vada is down there. Vada runs up the stairs and
tries to open the door, she can't, drops the ball and starts
to yell out for help and bang on the it. Shelly hears the
noise and comes to the door. Vada, overcome with fear, sits
on a step, covers her ears and begins to sing doo-wah-diddy-
diddy. Shelly yanks the door open and sees Vada crouched on
the step
SHELLY
Vada? VADA?? What happened??
VADA
(extremely frightened and
timid)
My ball, I lost my ball.
SHELLY
(picking Vada up onto her
feet)
Come on sweetie.
The two exit the scene
SHELLY PUTTING MAKEUP ON DEAD LADY, BASEMENT OF SULTENFUSS'
HOUSE
SHELLY
Excuse me Harry?
HARRY
Uh huh?
SHELLY
Could you take a look at Mrs. Porter?
HARRY
Yeah.
Harry gets up from his desk, moves over to Mrs. Porter and
observes Shelly's work, he looks unimpressed
Didn't I give you a picture of what she
looked like?
SHELLY
Yeah,
(searches pockets, eventually
pulling out a photo)
Harry compares photo with Mrs. Porter's face
SHELLY
You don't like it?
HARRY
This was the Reverend Porter's wife, you have
her looking like a two dollar hooker.
SHELLY
(a little offended)
I think she looks nice! Her lips are very
thin so I used the gloss to give them a more
sensual quality, and her eyes just needed a
little definition, and her hair, I'm sorry,
nobody wears this hairdo anymore in 1972.
HARRY
She did. This photo was taken a month ago at
the church food drive.
SHELLY
I just wanted to get past this "old school
Marm" image.
HARRY
That wasn't an image. She WAS an old school
Marm.
(beat)
Fix it.
Harry begins to leave
SHELLY
Harry?
(Harry stops and turns
around)
I was just wondering, if there is anything
wrong with Vada.
HARRY
What do you mean??
SHELLY
Well the other night at dinner...
HARRY
Oh that, she just likes to play.
SHELLY
I don't think so, I think she's confused
about death.
HARRY
She was raised in a funeral home, she knows a
thing or two about it.
SHELLY
Harry, I really think she.....
HARRY
(annoyed)
She's a perfectly happy eleven year old girl,
look, don't give me any advice about my
daughter, okay?
OUTSIDE FRONT OF HOUSE, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE TURNING A
SKIPPING ROPE AND PHIL IS JUMPING IN IT PUFFING AWAY, VADA &
THOMAS J ARE SAYING A RHYME THAT GOES WITH SKIPPING GAMES,
SHELLY PULLS UP IN HER CAMPER
VADA
There's Shelly!
Vada and Thomas J stop turning the rope leaving Phil
standing there exhausted, and run over to Shelly's camper,
Shelly gets out
SHELLY
Hi.
VADA
Can we look around in your camper?
SHELLY
Sure. I'll give you the royal tour.
Vada and Thomas J rush inside the camper
(surprised at Vada and Thomas
J's eagerness to get inside)
Woah! Gosh!
Thomas J seats himself at the drivers seat and makes "vroom
vroom" noises, Vada sits at the table, selects a book from a
small bookshelf on the side, and begins to read it
THOMAS J
Wow, this is the coolest thing, like you
really eat and sleep here?
SHELLY
Uh huh.
THOMAS J
I'm gonna drive us to Liverpool.
SHELLY
Liverpool?
VADA
Big Ringo fan.
SHELLY
Ohh, right. Would you like a soda?
VADA
I would.
SHELLY
Thomas?
THOMAS J
Yes please.
Thomas uproots himself and sits opposite Vada at the table
THOMAS J
What are you reading?
Vada makes a gesture at Thomas J with her finger up to her
lips implying that he should be quiet
Shelly notices Vada reading the book
SHELLY
Oh! You shouldn't be looking at that, it's a
little too old for you.
She takes the book away from her
VADA
Did you read ALL these books?
SHELLY
Uh huh.
VADA
What are they about?
SHELLY
Mostly love, and romance.
THOMAS J
Eeeeuuuww, gross.
SHELLY
They're just fun to read.
Shelly hands the soda around
Here, cheers.
Everybody takes a mouthful of drink
VADA
Are you married?
SHELLY
No, I'm divorced.
VADA
Daddy said it's bad when people get divorced.
SHELLY
Well, sometimes married people just find out
they can't live with each other.
THOMAS J
Mine aren't divorced.
Thomas J gets up and reaches for the cookie jar
Shelly, can I have a cookie?
SHELLY
With bottle of soda in mouth
Hmmmph gurgle gurgle...
Thomas pulls out a few bank notes of largish denomination
THOMAS J
Hey, where are all the cookies??
Vada sees the money and the expression on her face shows
she has an idea
SHELLY
Well, I guess you found my secret hiding
place.
THOMAS J
What are you saving for?
SHELLY
Nothing in particular, just putting it away
for a rainy day.
Cuckoo clock goes "Cuckoo." Lunch time, 12 o'clock
THOMAS J
I'm supposed to be home at noon for lunch,
thanks Shelly.
Thomas J leaves
SHELLY
Bye. Well Miss Vada, what d'you say we head
back?
VADA
Can I use your bathroom first?
SHELLY
Sure.
VADA
You don't have to wait, daddy'll be mad if
you're late.
SHELLY
Okay.
Shelly exits and Vada enters toilet with a VERY guilty look
on her face
SUMMER WRITING CLASS, FOCUS ON MR. BIXLER
MR. BIXLER
The great way, is not difficult for those
with no preferences, with the absence of both
love and hate, everything becomes clear and
undisguised. That was written by a Chinese
Philosopher in the year 600. Now why would I
choose to bring that up in a creative writing
class? Because, the absence of judgment helps
us to appreciate reality. In other words, I
want you to listen to your classmates writing,
with a clear and open heart, okay? So who's
gonna go first?
GUY
I got one.
He gets up
I sang a song for you to hear, I painted a
picture for you to see, I picked a rose for
you to smell, I planted grass for you to
touch, But you did not hear my song, You did
not see my picture, You did not smell my rose
and YOU did not touch my grass.
Woman
Maybe she was outta town?
GUY#2
That's not funny, his poem is about futility,
we toil in unrewarded obscurity.
MR. BIXLER
Now, I hear judgment, let's not forget the
part about the open heart...
The door at the back of the room opens and Vada enters
holding a writing pad and pen looking nervous
Vada, is there, something I can do for you?
VADA
(very nervous)
I paid the money.
MR. BIXLER
For this class?
VADA
Uh huh, I wanna be a writer.
MR. BIXLER
Vada, this is an adult writing class.
JUSTIN
Hey, I think it's real beautiful. She want's
to be a writer.
MR. BIXLER
Vada, you sure you wanna do this?
Vada nods her head
MR. BIXLER
Welcome to the class, go find a seat.
The class applauds
Okay ahh, who's next?
RONDA
I experienced something with my boyfriend the
other day, and I wrote a few words down.
MR. BIXLER
The floor's yours Ronda.
RONDA
He covers me like a blanket, from the cold,
dark night, As I look into his eyes, I know
it's right, To touch, To feel, I know he's
real, Flesh all a mush, Flesh ALL a mush, I
can't fight it, There's no point, I wake up in
Lighter joint.
Several looks glance around the room. Vada raises her hand
MR. BIXLER
Uhhh, va, uhh, Vada.
VADA
I wrote a poem too.
MR. BIXLER
Please.
VADA
Loads of ice-cream by Vada Sultenfuss
I like ice-cream a whole lot, It tastes good
when days are hot, On a cone or in a dish,
This would be my only wish, Vanilla, chocolate
or rocky road, Even with pie a la mode.
That's all I got so far.
JUSTIN
I hear that Vada, Flesh all a Mush or Rocky
Road, it's about desire.
MR. BIXLER
Vada that's... It's very sweet, and it rhymes
and that's also good but, you're not
expressing to me what's in your soul. I want
you to show me how you see the world, your
fears, your desires, your innermost secrets.
VADA'S THOUGHTS
My fears and secrets. I'm afraid I killed my
mother.
OUTSIDE SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, THEN INSIDE ON SHELLY AT DESK,
TUBA IS BEING PLAYED IN THE BACKGROUND
Shelly gets up smiling when she hears the music and
proceeds to the living room
Shelly pokes her head in the door to see Harry playing a
tune to Grammoo on his tuba
HARRY
(sung, to Grammoo)
Can not do without, Harry's wild about me.
SHELLY
Excuse me Harry, I'm sorry, I just wanna let
you know that the flowers were delivered. And
the room's all set up.
HARRY
Thanks, listen I wanna apologize for the
other day downstairs, about Vada, I was a
little harsh.
SHELLY
I shouldn't stick my nose in other people's
business. It's just that I like Vada, very
much.
HARRY
After my wife died, Grammoo moved in here to
help take care of Vada. They were very close,
but lately as her mind's been wandering more
and more, Vada's been acting kinda crazy. I'm
sure she'll snap out of it though.
SHELLY
I'm sure she will.
VADA AND THOMAS J AT THEIR FAVORITE SPOT, EDGE OF LAKE WITH
VERY LARGE BEAUTIFUL WEEPING WILLOW JUST UP THE BANK A
LITTLE FROM A SMALL PIER WHERE TWO FISHING POLES ARE SET UP,
ONE HELD BY VADA AND THE OTHER BY A HOLDER AS THOMAS J HANGS
UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE TREE
THOMAS J
Nothing's biting today.
VADA
Maybe they had a big breakfast.
THOMAS J
(hanging from tree)
I'm gonna be an acrobat when I grow up.
VADA
Big deal, I can do that too.
(Thomas J's reel begins to
click)
Thomas J, you got something!
THOMAS J
Oh no!
(he jumps down from the tree)
UUH.
VADA
Hurry!
THOMAS J
I'm trying.
VADA
Reel it in.
(Thomas J reels the fish in)
He's only tiny, throw him back.
THOMAS J
I don't like touching fish, how do you pull
the hook out without touching it?
Thomas J puts his foot on the fish and pulls
VADA
You're hurting him, don't kill him!!
The hook is out of the fish's mouth and sitting on the pier
Vada then removes the hook from the fish's mouth {minor
error in film} and in the process pricks herself
VADA
Ouch! Darn hook!
Vada puts the fish back
VADA
I'm bleeding, did he get away? Go look.
Thomas J looks and sees the fish, dead, floating on top of
the water
THOMAS J
Yeah he got away. Come on let's go.
VADA
Hey, we can become blood brothers.
THOMAS J
Naah, I don't wanna.
VADA
You could pick that scab on your arm.
THOMAS J
It's a mosquito bite.
VADA
It'll bleed.
THOMAS J
If I do it, can we go?
VADA
Uh huh.
THOMAS J
Okay, OW!
Thomas J picks the scab on his arm which begins to bleed
VADA
Okay, rub them together.
They rub their cuts together
VADA
Now we're blood brothers for life.
HARRY IS TYPING UP A DEATH NOTICE IN HIS STUDY, SHELLY
ENTERS
SHELLY
Hi.
HARRY
Oh Hi, what can I do for you?
SHELLY
Nothing, I was just wondering what you were
doing.
HARRY
Oh, I'm just typing up a funeral notice, you
know when someone dies people want it in the
paper usually, it's a service we provide for
the family.
SHELLY
Oh right, right,
(she picks up the newspaper).
Bader Lorenzo Died June 22
1972 Devoted husband to
Nicolette. Cherished father of
Babritzio and Heidi, In lieu
of flowers, please send
donations to the holy names
society.
HARRY
I wrote that.
SHELLY
No kidding?
Harry gives Shelly a matter-of-fact look
SHELLY
Oh it's good, "In lieu of" I love that word
lieu.
HARRY
I prefer it to "instead", it has more
dignity.
SHELLY
In lieu... "instead".... No contest.
HARRY
It's no big deal.
SHELLY
You have to learn how to take a complement.
(Shelly turns the newspaper
over)
Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the
drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it?
HARRY
I haven't been to the movies in AGES.
SHELLY
I love going to movies, especially at the
drive in. I don't think there's anything more
romantic than going to the drive in.
(subtle HINT)
I'll let you get back to work.
Shelly begins to exit with a look of failure on her face
HARRY
I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to
join me for a game tomorrow night at church
you're welcome to.
SHELLY
(considers for a moment)
Okay.
Harry resumes typing
VADA IS RUNNING THROUGH FOYER AND BEGINS TO PASS BATHROOM
WHERE SHELLY IS PUTTING ON MAKEUP
SHELLY
Hi Vada.
VADA
Are you going out somewhere?
SHELLY
No.
VADA
So how come you're putting lipstick on?
SHELLY
A girl's always gotta look her best.
VADA
I think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are
that color.
SHELLY
Have you ever tried any?
VADA
No.
SHELLY
Come here, sit down.
Vada enters bathroom and sits down on the closed toilet
seat, Shelly brings up a stool and sits down in front of
Vada. Vada gets some lipstick put on her
SHELLY
Now, first we blot.
Vada blots her lips on some tissue
SHELLY
Take a look. I think it looks real nice on
you.
Vada looks in Shelly's mirror
VADA
Shelly, do you think I'm pretty?
SHELLY
Yes, Vada I think you're very pretty. You've
got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest
little nose, an amazing mouth.
VADA
The boys at school don't think I am.
SHELLY
They'll come around. Close your eyes, I wanna
bring out the gorgeous color in them. The
first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can
never wear enough blue eye shadow.
VADA
Do you like putting makeup on people?
SHELLY
Uh huh, i've been trying to get out to
Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the
stars, I haven't gotten there yet.
(she finishes her work)
All right, open your eyes.
Vada opens her eyes and looks in the mirror
VADA
Shelly, I would definitely hold off on that
Hollywood thing.
VADA EXITS HOUSE THROUGH FRONT DOOR, RAUNCHY MUSIC IS
PLAYING AND SHE DOES A GROOVY WALK TO THE STEPS WHERE THOMAS
J AWAITS HER, SHE LIES DOWN LENGTH WAYS ACROSS THE STEP AND
LOOKS AT HIM
THOMAS J
Your lip bleeding?
VADA
No.
THOMAS J
What's wrong with your eyes?
VADA
A girl can never wear enough eye shadow.
THOMAS J
Where's your bike?
VADA
Oh, in the garage. Walk me over.
The two enter the garage, where a large black hearse is
parked
VADA
It's only a garage, come on.
Vada notices that one of her streamers on her bike is gone
VADA
Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably
fell off in here.
Thomas J walks over to a model of a head
THOMAS J
Hey look at this!
VADA
That was Grammoo's. It's a phrenology chart,
they used to study the bumps in your head to
see if you had a good personality or not. Come
here, i'll diagnose your head.
THOMAS J
No, I don't wanna.
VADA
Come on, it's fun.
Vada examines Thomas J's head and then compares it with the
chart
VADA
Hmmmm, interesting.
THOMAS J
What?
VADA
You have no personality.
THOMAS J
Hey, where does it say that?
VADA
Never mind.
Thomas J knocks the lid off a small box and reveals a photo
THOMAS J
Is that your Dad?
VADA
Yes.
THOMAS J
Who's that with your Dad?
VADA
It's my mother.
THOMAS J
Do you remember her?
VADA
No. Grammoo said she's in heaven.
THOMAS J
What do you think it's like?
VADA
What?
THOMAS J
Heaven.
VADA
I think, everybody gets their own white
horse, and all they do is ride and eat
marshmallows all day, and everybody's best
friends with everybody else, when you play
sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets
picked last.
THOMAS J
But, what if you're afraid to ride horses?
VADA
It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular
horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal
if you fall, you just land in cloud.
THOMAS J
That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll
never find that streamer.
As they leave, Vada turns back and grabs the photo, then
returns to Thomas J
HARRY'S BEDROOM, HARRY IS DRESSING AND GETTING READY FOR
HIS DATE WITH SHELLY
The tune "Moonglow" is playing on the radio
PHIL
Well well well, what's going on in here?
HARRY
Nothing, I'm dressing.
PHIL
Oh, you're dressing, uh huh, Harry Harry
Harry Harry, don't you know it's not nice to
lie to your big brother?
Phil then proceeds to give Harry a noogie
HARRY
HEY! WATCH THE HAIR!! THIS SHIRT GIVES!!! ALL
RIGHT!!!!
Phil stops
I'm going out with Shelly.
PHIL
Oh yes, oh that's great.
HARRY
I'm very nervous.
PHIL
Why?
HARRY
The last date I had was twenty years ago.
PHIL
That's true. Harry Harry sit down, let me
fill you in on today's women, since the last
time you dated, something happened, "The
Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used
to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull
her chair out, pick up the check, no more no
more, you wanna know what else is missing?
BRAS!
HARRY
Oh come on.
PHIL
Harry, I'm serious, trust me Harry this
woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her
like every Tom Dick and Harry.
HARRY
Are you sure about all this?
PHIL
Did you not tell Vada I'm a womanizer huh?
HARRY
Oh, I'm running late. Shelly'll be here any
minute.
PHIL
Oh she's picking you up, good you're on the
right track.
HARRY
No, she's just driving over here, then we're
taking my car. How do I look?
PHIL
Like a Sultenfuss. Go get 'em.
Harry runs down the stairs and passes Vada on the way
HARRY
Goodnight Vada.
VADA
Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo?
HARRY
Ahh, I just wanna look nice.
VADA
You never cared before.
HARRY
Well Shelly's coming over, we're gonna go
together.
VADA
Why?
HARRY
She likes to play bingo.
VADA
Can I go too?
HARRY
Naah, I think you'd better stay here and keep
Grammoo company.
Harry leaves and then Vada makes a decision, she goes out
the door
OUTSIDE THE SENNET'S HOUSE, VADA IS CREEPING ALONG NIGHT
Vada approaches the Sennet's house and signals through the
window for Thomas J to come outside, which he does
THOMAS J
Vada? Vada?? Where are you??
Vada springs up from her hiding place
VADA
Here.
THOMAS J
Don't DO that!!
VADA
Sorry.
THOMAS J
What do you want? My mom will skin me alive
if she finds I'm out here.
VADA
Let's go to the church, they're playing bingo
tonight.
THOMAS J
I told you i'll get in trouble.
VADA
Pacifist!
THOMAS J
I am not.
VADA
Bed wetter!
THOMAS J
I stopped that!
AT THE CHURCH, FOCUS ON THE BINGO ANNOUNCER WHO IS CALLING
OUT THE NUMBERS
HARRY
Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For
instance, on a given night anybody can win,
but I play the odds, when choosing bingo
cards, I use a range of theories from the laws
of probability to avoiding duplicate number
systems. This way you get much more activity.
SHELLY
(hopeful)
Does it make it easier to win?
HARRY
No. Just, more activity.
Harry then pulls a seat out and sits down in it, cutting
Shelly off, who has to pull her own seat out and sit down
HARRY
(as he sits down, to the
person next to him)
Hi Carl.
OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NIGHT
Vada and Thomas J are walking up to the church
THOMAS J
They're not gonna let us in Vada, we're kids.
VADA
We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch.
THOMAS J
Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo.
VADA
Duck!
Vada and Thomas J are ducking behind a counter on one side
of the church, Harry and Shelly are quite clearly visible on
the other side of the room
SHELLY
(in the distance, as a number
is announced)
Oh great!
THOMAS J
Hey there's your Dad and Shelly.
VADA
Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me.
SHELLY
(in the distance again, as
another number is announced)
Aarrggh.
CLOSE UP OF HARRY AND SHELLY
As Shelly looks around the bingo table, she notices that
everyone around her is chronologically advantaged in a big
way
SHELLY
I just had a terrible thought Harry.
HARRY
What's that?
SHELLY
I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of these
people very soon.
HARRY
Why d'you think these seats were empty.
OUTSIDE
THOMAS J
Can we go yet?
VADA
Go???
THOMAS J
You know I'm not allowed outside my myself
after dark.
CLOSE UP AGAIN
SHELLY
Oh, I'm just not lucky Harry.
HARRY
Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending
upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with
10 cards could win just as easily as a guy
with 100.
SHELLY
Kinda like men.
HARRY
Oh, how do you mean?
SHELLY
You can be in a room with 100 men, and not
like any of them, or you can be in a room with
just one man, and he's exactly the one you
want.
Harry and Shelly are about to kiss each other, Vada sees
this and doesn't look too happy about it
VADA
(in semi-deep fake voice)
BINGO!
BINGO ANNOUNCER
We have a winner. Will the winner please
raise their hand?
CARL
There was no bingo, it came from outside.
VERNON
How could someone outside get a bingo?
CARL
Someone outside didn't get a bingo, someone
outside yelled bingo you moron!
VERNON
Who are you calling a mowon?
(false teeth)
VERNON'S WIFE
Put a lid on it Vernon!
CARL
Put a lid on it?? If you weren't 200 years
old, I'd kick your wrinkled ARSE!!
The two old men then have a fight, Harry attempts to break
it up
HARRY
Hey fellers fellers, it's just a bingo game.
Meanwhile, Shelly has found it all rather amusing
OUTSIDE
VADA
We can go now.
Vada and Thomas J run off down the street
VADA'S BEDROOM NIGHT, VADA IS LYING ON HER BED THINKING
As she hears Harry's car approaching, she goes to her
window and looks out it through the venetian blinds
OUTSIDE STOPPED CAR
Harry gets out of his side, comes round to the other side
and then hesitates before deciding to follow his brothers
advice and let Shelly get out herself, which she does,
eventually
SHELLY
I had a good time tonight.
HARRY
I haven't had a bingo partner in ages.
They walk up to Shelly's camper
SHELLY
Would you like to come in and see my house?
Just for a minute.
HARRY
Okay, sure.
They enter, Vada continues to watch them from her room
INSIDE CAMPER, HARRY AND SHELLY ENTER
SHELLY
Home sweet home.
HARRY
It's nice.
SHELLY
I did it myself. I read a magazine article
about how to maximize small spaces.
HARRY
Well it certainly looks bigger that it seems.
SHELLY
You can look in the bathroom if you want.
People are always curious about that, like
what happens when you flush.
Harry moved toward the back of the camper and looks in the
bathroom, and then flushes the toilet
HARRY
Yeah.
SHELLY
Are you mad at me?
HARRY
No, why?
SHELLY
I don't know, tonight you just seemed a
little cool, not opening car doors and...
HARRY
Oh, that was Phil, trying to give me advice
on dating 70's women. Look I'm so out of
touch, I haven't dated women in ages, not
since my wife died.
SHELLY
What happened to her?
HARRY
Ahh, complications during child birth, she
died two days after Vada was born.
SHELLY
Did she ever see Vada?
HARRY
I brought the baby into the room a couple of
times, she opened her eyes, yeah, yeah I think
she saw Vada. It was.....
Harry looks at the item that he picked up and was fiddling
with to calm his nerves
Did I ruin this?
SHELLY
Dance with me?
HARRY
Here?
SHELLY
This is where we are.
HARRY
Is there enough room?
Shelly moves an object from the floor, which creates more
room
HARRY
I haven't danced in.....
SHELLY
In ages, I know, me neither.
They begin a slow dance
HARRY
Rock?
SHELLY
See, you're not that out of touch.
(they dance)
You're good.
HARRY
At Widdman High I was considered a pretty hot
date, I did a killer frugue.
Shelly smells Harry's neck
SHELLY
What are you wearing?
HARRY
Old Spice, Phil says it's a timeless classic.
They continue to dance
SHELLY
Do you want to?
HARRY
Want to what?
SHELLY
Kiss me.
HARRY
Yes.
SHELLY
Good.
They then have a long kiss
SHELLY
Good at kissing, and dancing, I'm very
optimistic.
They then kiss again, this time interrupted by the clock
cuckooing
HARRY
I ahh, better go.
SHELLY
It's only eight o'clock.
HARRY
Goodnight Shelly.
SHELLY
Goodnight.
Harry exits the camper followed by Shelly who stands at the
door
OUTSIDE CAMPER NIGHT, HARRY HAS JUST GOT OUT OF SHELLY'S
CAMPER
SHELLY
Well, I guess it's official we had a date,
maybe we can play bingo again sometime.
HARRY
I'm tired of bingo, maybe we should try that
drive in of yours.
SHELLY
Goodnight.
Harry waves
VADA'S ROOM
Vada finishes watching, and goes to bed
SUMMER WRITING CLASS DAY
MR. BIXLER
Before the class started, Ronda and Justin
wanted to lead the class in a group
meditation.
WOMAN
Ooooh that's really cool.
JUSTIN
Okay what we're gonna do is, send our vibes
out into the group.
Justin turns on some kind of tape deck which begins to play
weird music
RONDA
Everybody hold hands, and close your eyes.
Relax your muscles and take deep breaths.
JUSTIN
Now, try to feel what the other person is
feeling, without speaking any words, send out
your vibe, and receive the vibes around you at
the same time. Can you feel it?
RONDA
Okay, open your eyes. What did everybody
feel?
GUY
I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength.
OTHER GUY
I can feel that Ronda is one with the Earth,
she's so cosmically in tune.
RONDA
So right on, that's exactly what I sent out,
and I felt like, you were full of inner peace
and harmony.
MR. BIXLER
Vada, what did you feel.
VADA
I felt Justin's hangnail.
JUSTIN
No Vada, that's not what we're looking for, a
hangnail is insignificant. What's in my soul,
feel my aura.
VADA
I don't think I'm allowed to.
JUSTIN
I tell you what, let's try it again, hold
hands.
VADA'S THOUGHTS
Grammoo once had a hangnail on her big toe.
It got infected and traveled to her vocal
chords, it ruined her singing voice, I don't
think Grammoo thought it was insignificant.
VADA'S ROOM, VADA LYING ON BED THINKING
Vada gets out of bed and goes down corridor to see Grammoo,
she seats herself cross legged next to Grammoo on her bed
and takes her hands in an attempt to do some spiritual
healing
SUPERMARKET DAY, VADA AND HARRY ARE SHOPPING
HARRY
Lettuce, watch out for the rust when you get
lettuce.
Suddenly Shelly appears behind them and calls out
SHELLY
Hey, I thought I recognized you two, hi Vada.
VADA
Hi.
HARRY
I'm just picking some things up for the
barbecue.
SHELLY
Yeah, me too, mind if I tag along?
HARRY
Not at all. Lot of potatoes!
SHELLY
It's for Shelly's famous potato salad.
HARRY
I'm looking forward to that.
Vada, who is pushing the shopping trolley behind Harry and
Shelly, obviously does not like the idea of Harry & Shelly,
and she rams her cart into Harry
HARRY
HEY, OUCH, damn it!! Vada, watch what you're
doing.
VADA
Sorry.
SHELLY
You know this is gonna be my first 4th of
July picnic in a long time.
HARRY
Really?
VADA
(picking up large can of
prunes)
Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes REAL
bad?
HARRY
Ahh, Vada, just put anything you want in the
cart, anything at all.
(to Shelly)
I don't know what's gotten into her today.
Vada begins to throw cans of every description from the
shelf into the shopping trolley at regular intervals, not
giving a stuff what they contain
VADA'S THOUGHTS
I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie
dolls, Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas
I got them a camper, and all they wanted to do
was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't
too upset when they took that wrong turn and
went over a cliff.
CLOSE UP OF AMERICAN FLAG DAY, HARRY - PLAYING TUBA,
SHELLY, PHIL & VADA SINGING "STAR SPANGLED BANNER" AND
GRAMMOO STANDING NEXT TO THEM WATCHING
MUSTANG PULLS UP NEXT TO SHELLY'S CAMPER, IT STOPS AND TWO
MEN GET OUT
HARRY COOKING MEAT PATTIES ON BARBECUE, WHICH ARE BEGINNING
TO LOOK CHARRED, PHIL IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM
PHIL
Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry, I told you to
use fewer briquettes and now look what you've
done. You've cremated them.
HARRY
That's what I do. Do you wanna do it??
PHIL
No, no no....
HARRY
Look if you think you know how, why don't you
pre-measure the briquettes in little packages,
put out a product, support me for a while!
Phil exits scene, Shelly comes up behind Harry
SHELLY
How's it going chef?
HARRY
Okay.
Vada is seen turning her head to look at Harry and Shelly,
she doesn't like Harry and Shelly standing so close
together, she decides to make her move and pushes in between
Harry and Shelly
VADA
Are they ready yet?
HARRY
No, sweetie, not yet.
Shelly begins to brush Vada's hair with her fingers, which
Vada does not like and she shakes her head to get Shelly off
VADA
When?
HARRY
Soon honey, soon.
Shelly again tries to fix up Vada's hair
(which there doesn't appear
to be anything wrong with)
And Vada shakes her off again
VADA
When??
HARRY
In a minute, look it's hot, sweetie you'll
burn your nose, look out.
Vada backs off, followed by Shelly
THE TWO MEN THAT GOT OUT OF THE CAR ARE PROCEEDING UP THE
SULTENFUSS' DRIVEWAY
FOCUS ON PHIL, HARRY, VADA, SHELLY AND GRAMMOO AT THE TABLE
OUTSIDE, SHELLY SAYS A SEMI-GRACE
SHELLY
Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay God.
HARRY
I'll second that.
VADA
Hey Shelly, like seafood?
SHELLY
Uh huh, why?
VADA
See food!
Vada opens her mouth and displays half chewed BBQ cuisine
to Shelly
SHELLY
(laughing)
That's attractive.
Shelly's glance moves to behind Grammoo on the other side
of the table and beyond, where the two men are standing
looking around
SHELLY
(under her breath)
Oh shit! Excuse me...
Shelly gets up and moves off to talk to the men, Vada and
Phil turn so they can see what is going on, Harry can
already see, Grammoo just sits staring into space
MAN
Hey Shelly, who lives here?
(pointing at hearse)
The Addams Family?
SHELLY
Danny, what are you doing here?
DANNY
What am I doing here????? What am I doing
here?
SHELLY
(to other man in background)
Hi Ralph. Oh Danny, how'd you find me here?
DANNY
You told everybody where you were going, I'm
here for the motor home.
Scene shifts to Vada, Phil and Harry for a moment
PHIL
These two people do not have a good
relationship.
SHELLY
(in background)
No! _I_ bought it, _I_ paid for it...
Scene shifts back to close up of Shelly and Danny arguing
SHELLY
I've been living in it for over a year, the
camper is mine.
DANNY
Excuse me, MUTUAL ASSET, that's what the
lawyer said, it's supposed to be "OUR MUTUAL
ASSET", not "Shelly's recreational vehicle".
Gimme the keys.
SHELLY
Keep your voice down!
DANNY
What?
SHELLY
The boss is watching us...
DANNY
(sarcastic)
I'm impressed.
SHELLY
God I guess i'll have to introduce you now.
DANNY
Yeah, all right...
Shelly and Danny walk over to the table where the rest of
the family are seated, Ralph follows close behind
SHELLY
(Talking to Danny, pointing
at the people respectively)
This is Harry, Phil, Grammoo and Vada
Sultenfuss...
DANNY
Vada Sultenfuss?? Tough break.
VADA
(matter-of-fact)
I like my name.
SHELLY
(to the Sultenfuss')
This is Danny and Ralph, they own the Dino
Raphael salon in Detroit.
(pointing at Danny)
We used to be married.
VADA
(extremely hopeful, to Danny)
Are you here to take Shelly back?
Danny shakes his head at Vada, then Harry gets up and walks
round the table
HARRY
Uhh, it's nice to meet ya. Uhh, we got
burgers and hot dogs here if you'd care to
join us?
DANNY
Can't stay, I'm just here because my
wife.....
Shelly quickly interjects
SHELLY
Ex...ex, ex...
DANNY
My __EX__ wife seems to have ripped off my
camper.
HARRY
Shelly?
SHELLY
Honestly Harry, he got the mustang, I
promise.....
DANNY
I don't think so, I got a copy of the
property settlement right here.
Danny pulls out a piece of paper
Ahh Shit, this is my lease...... Damn it, I
keep forgetting things, I'm getting senile.
HARRY
Danny?
DANNY
WHAT?
HARRY
Okay, I know you've suffered a terrible loss,
and there's really nothing anyone can do to
comfort you, but I urge you to focus on the
times you had with the camper, the trips you
took, the sights you saw, those days are gone
now, but they'll live on in your heart
forever.
DANNY
(to Shelly)
This guy bonking you?
SHELLY
(disgusted)
Danny that's a real _bonehead_ thing to say!
HARRY
(to Danny)
Look, you're not gonna take Shelly's camper.
DANNY
Oh.. Oh.. Oh no?? Oh?
HARRY
It's her home! It's where she lives!!
DANNY
Oh really, okay fine look, go cook,
(to Shelly)
Gimme the goddam keys.
Danny tries to grab the keys from Shelly
SHELLY
Stop it! That hurts!!
Harry is now VERY annoyed
HARRY
Danny.....
As Harry says "Danny" for a second time he plants his fist
in Danny's stomach with force, winding him and shutting him
up
FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL'S FACES, WHICH ARE STARTLED
FULL SCENE, SHELLY IS GAPING, DANNY IS BENT OVER WITH RALPH
HOLDING HIM UP, VADA AND PHIL WATCHING CLOSELY AND GRAMMOO
STARING INTO SPACE
RALPH
What'd you do that for??
HARRY
Who are you?
RALPH
I'm his brother.
HARRY
Oh then you'll probably be visiting us here
quite often.
RALPH
WHY??
HARRY
Because if he ever tries to take Shelly's
camper again, I'm gonna bury him in my front
yard.
Ralph looks rather disturbed by this
FOCUS ON VADA AND PHIL, VADA STILL GAPING
PHIL
(quiet voice, to Vada)
Your father is a savage.
Vada looks up at Phil, Phil looks back and nods
ROAD IN FRONT OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, DANNY AND RALPH IN CAR,
SHELLY LEANING OVER WITH HER HEAD IN WINDOW NIGHT
SHELLY
Bye Ralph.
The car with Danny and Ralph in it pulls away and Shelly
waves
SHELLY
(to Harry)
Well, you were pretty great!
HARRY
Is it really your camper?
Shelly makes gesture with her right hand suggesting "sort
of"
Suddenly a sky rocket screams up in the sky and then
explodes, Harry and Shelly look up and watch the fireworks
SHELLY
Can we see it from the back yard?
HARRY
You can get the general idea...
They move off to the back yard...
HARRY
Yep, there they are... They always look the
same every year...
SHELLY
Pointing upwards Look...
HARRY
Did you ahh, love him?
SHELLY
I would never marry anybody I didn't love.
VADA AND PHIL SITTING ON SEAT-SWING WATCHING FIREWORKS
VADA
He must like Shelly, I never saw him hit
anyone in his life.
PHIL
He likes her.
VADA
Does he love her?
PHIL
Probably.
VADA
Do you like her?
PHIL
Yes I do, and I think she's very good for
your father.
VADA
Why?
PHIL
After your mother died, he was sad all the
time, but before that, he was pretty funny.
VADA
Really?
PHIL
Now when I see him with Shelly, sometimes he
seems like the old Harry.
VADA
My Dad was funny?
PHIL
Well he wasn't one of the Marx brothers, but
he made me laugh.
VADA'S THOUGHTS
My Uncle fought in the Korean war, he had a
steel plate put in his head, Daddy said he
didn't come back the same, one night, he
picked up a radio station from Oklahoma in his
teeth, it was really neat.
DR WELTY'S SURGERY, LOOKING AT VADA WHO HAS HER MOUTH OPEN
WITH A TONGUE HOLDING STICK DOWN HER THROAT
VADA
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh.
VADA
(with stick in mouth)
Carnnk yu sheeee ik??
Dr. Welty removes stick from Vada's mouth
VADA
Can't you see it?
DR WELTY
No.
VADA
It's there.
DR WELTY
Vada there is no chicken bone stuck in your
throat.
Vada looks at the Dr.'s certificates up on the wall
VADA
Dr. Welty, are you sure those are yours?
WAITING ROOM, NURSE RANDALL IS DEMONSTRATING A SYRINGE TO
THOMAS J, HOW TO USE IT AS A WATER GUN
NURSE RANDALL
So you fill it with water like this, and what
have you got? A water gun.
THOMAS J
Cool, can I get one for Vada?
NURSE RANDALL
Oh yes, yes.
She gets another one out of her drawer
Thomas, let me ask you a question. Does Vada
ever tell you why she comes down here so much?
THOMAS J
Cause she's dying.
NURSE RANDALL
Do you think she is?
THOMAS J
No.
NURSE RANDALL
Why do you think she says that?
THOMAS J
Cause she gets scared of all those dead
people in her house, and you know that saying,
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, well if
she's one of them, she won't be as scared.
NURSE RANDALL
You know what I think? I think Vada's very
lucky to have a friend like you.
Nurse Randall hands Thomas J another syringe
THOMAS J
She's my best friend.
The door to the doctor's surgery opens and Vada exits
NURSE RANDALL
Miss Vada, how are you feeling?
VADA
As good as can be expected.
CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DOCTORS WAITING ROOM
THOMAS J
Hey Vada, guess what we got?
VADA
What?
Thomas J begins to run, and as he passes Vada he squirts
his syringe at Vada
THOMAS J
THIS!!
(squirt)
VADA
HEY YOU!!!!
(squirt)
I'm gonna get you!!!
(squirt)
I'll get you!!!!
Vada at this point is unarmed, and she chases Thomas J down
the stairs
FOREST DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE RUNNING THROUGH IT FIRING
THEIR WATER GUNS AT EACH OTHER AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER,
HAVING FUN
Suddenly Thomas J stops in his tracks
THOMAS J
Woah!!
VADA
What?
THOMAS J
Pointing There's a beehive right there!
VADA
So?
THOMAS J
Stand back.
Thomas J stands a pace back behind a branch on the tree and
begins to squirt the beehive
VADA
Are you crazy, you'll get stung!!
THOMAS J
You're right, let's knock it down.
VADA
What do you want it for anyway?
THOMAS J
For their meat.
The two start throwing rocks at the hive, which gets
damaged and eventually falls to the ground
THOMAS J
Got it!
VADA
My mood ring! It fell off! I gotta find it!
They begin to search for Vada's mood ring
Suddenly bees begin to swarm, luckily Thomas J notices in
time
THOMAS J
They're alive!! Run for your life!!!
Vada just stands there looking, Thomas J comes back and
grabs her arm, this wakes her up and they begin to run
THOMAS J
Run faster they're after us!!
VADA
I am running faster!!
THOMAS J
Hurry!!!
They have run to the spot with the weeping willow and the
pier, they run out on to the pier
VADA
Jump in the water!!
THOMAS J
But I have my clothes on!
VADA
Do it!
UNDER WATER VIEW OF THEM BOTH, HOLDING THEIR BREATH
INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR TO SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA ENTERS
DRENCHED
HARRY
(in the distance, from
upstairs)
Vada is that you?
VADA
Yes..
HARRY
Hey guess what? We're going to the carnival
tonight, be ready to go in 10 minutes.
Vada likes this news, she hurries up the stairs
HARRY
Shelly's coming with us.
Vada is now not so happy
CARNIVAL NIGHT, FERRIS WHEEL IS SPINNING, MANY PEOPLE ARE
SCREAMING IN A TYPICAL CARNIVAL MANNER, SLOW ZOOM ON HARRY,
SHELLY AND VADA
SHELLY
So Vada, what's your favorite ride?
VADA
I like the freak show.
HARRY
I know, I know, let's go on the "sit on the
bench and rest" ride.
SHELLY
I don't think that that roller coaster agreed
with your bad stomach. You know Vada you have
to watch what you eat here, I remember one
time I went to a carnival with my cousins
David and Frank, and they both ate hot dogs,
and the next day they came down with
nephritis.
VADA
Nephritis? It's a kidney disease, you don't
get it from hot dogs.
SHELLY
Well, I'm no doctor. All I know is, the next
day they had really high fevers, and their
faces got very fat. They baffled medical
science, they were in a magazine.
Vada and Harry give Shelly a "yeah RIGHT" look
SHELLY
They were!! "Popular Mechanics", no "Popular
Science". I don't know, popular.
HARRY, SHELLY AND VADA ARE STANDING AT A STALL WHERE OBJECT
IS TO GET A BALL IN FISH BOWL
SHELLY
Oh look they're trying to hit that poor
thing.
HARRY
Watch you don't knock out a fish.
SHELLY
Perfect.
HARRY
I don't know which ball's mine.
Vada gets a ball in a bowl
VADA
I won, I won!!!
SHELLY
Oh great!!
ATTENDANT
Hooray, we have a winner,
(picks up fish in plastic
bag)
There you go little girl.
(gives fish to Vada)
See how easy it is folks!
Shelly inspects fish, holding it along with Vada
SHELLY
Oh Vada, that's a gorgeous goldfish.
Vada notices something on Shelly's hand
VADA
Where'd you get that ring?
All of a sudden Shelly looks up with a guilty look
VADA
(extremely hopeful)
Did you win it?
Harry and Shelly exchange looks, Harry smiles, followed by
Shelly
SHELLY
Vada we have something to tell you. Harry?
Harry sits down on table and looks at Vada in a matter-of-
fact way
HARRY
Vada we have some good news, Shelly and I are
getting married.
Vada's expression begins to change from hopeful, to horror,
but then she drops her fish
VADA
Oh my fish!!!
Vada quickly bends over to pick up the fish
HARRY
We're having the wedding sometime near the
end of the summer.
VADA
Not acknowledging Harry's comment You'll be okay little
fish.
SHELLY
Vada? Would you like us to get you another
goldfish?
VADA
(angry)
NO!, He's fine.
(less angry, talking to fish)
Fish are very resilient animals you know.
Don't worry, I won't get another fish.
Shelly and Harry exchange worried looks, Vada doesn't seem
to have understood
ANNOUNCER
THE BUMPER CARS!! THE BUMPER CARS!! FOR JUST
50 CENTS A HALF DOLLAR, FIVE DIMES, 10
NICKELS, WE HAVE A RIDE THAT'S GUARANTEED TO
REARRANGE ALL OF YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS.
SHELLY
Oh bumper cars, oh you can't go to a carnival
and not ride the bumper cars.
HARRY
I fall asleep at the wheel.
VADA
(malicious grin)
I'll ride on the bumper cars with you!
SHELLY
Oh great Vada, come on...
They run off leaving Harry to carry the teddy bear and the
fish
SHELLY
(to the attendant)
Uhh, two.
(to Vada)
I got the blue one!!
Vada runs in past Shelly and seats herself in a car
VADA
NO!
SHELLY
Yes!!
Shelly gets in the blue one
SHELLY
(pointing at Vada)
I am gonna get you.
Vada straps herself in, Shelly turns around and gives Vada
the thumbs up, Vada looks VERY intent on brutally murdering
something now, and she returns the thumbs up, as she does
so, music begins to play and the power is turned on, the
song is "Bad Moon Rising"
HARRY
Vada, keep your hands on the wheel!!
Vada rushes straight at Shelly and rams into her at top
speed, so that Shelly's car is spun around a little, Shelly
screams, this is all in good fun, at the moment. Then Vada
rams her again, and again, and again, and again, and
eventually, Shelly does not look too pleased, she can't
escape Vada
HARRY
Careful Vada, careful.
HARRY
Shelly LOOK OUT!
WWHHAAMMM
Shelly and Vada pull up along side each other, Vada gives
Shelly a satisfied but still spiteful grin
VADA IS RIDING HER BIKE ALONG HER STREET TOWARDS THE
CAMERA, SHE STOPS AND DISMOUNTS OUTSIDE THOMAS J'S HOUSE
Vada rings the Sennett's doorbell, and Mrs Sennett answers
MRS. SENNETT
Hi Vada.
VADA
Hi, can Thomas J come out?
MRS. SENNETT
Sure, come in.
Thomas J is coming down the stairs
THOMAS J
Hi Vada.
VADA
Hi, wanna ride bikes?
THOMAS J
Sure.
MRS. SENNETT
Ohh, did you make your bed?
THOMAS J
Yes.
MRS. SENNETT
You're sure?
THOMAS J
It's made.
MRS. SENNETT
Come here, you've got a milk mustache.
Mrs. Sennett wipes Thomas J's lip
THOMAS J
Come on, let's go.
VADA
Bye Mrs. Sennett.
THOMAS J
Bye Ma.
MRS. SENNETT
Have fun kids.
The two exit the house
OUTSIDE FRONT OF SENNETT'S HOUSE, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE
WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS
VADA
I'm running away.
THOMAS J
Where you running to?
They get on their bikes and begin to ride off
VADA
California, I'm going to Hollywood to live
with the Brady Bunch.
THOMAS J
I wanna live with them too.
VADA
No, you can't, they have enough kids, you'll
have to live with the Partridge Family.
THOMAS J
Really?
SOMEWHERE ON A PATHWAY IN A LIGHT FOREST, VADA AND THOMAS J
ARE RIDING THEIR BIKES
Thomas J stops and then does Vada
THOMAS J
That's it.
Thomas J goes and sits down on the river bank, Vada follows
with an annoyed look
VADA
Get up!?
THOMAS J
I'm tired of running away. Besides, we past
this place two times already. We're not
getting nowhere.
Vada sits down next to Thomas J
THOMAS J
Why are you running away?
VADA
My Dad gave Shelly a ring.
THOMAS J
Wow, was it a decoder ring?
VADA
You're such a retard, it was an engagement
ring.
THOMAS J
They're getting married?
Vada nods her head
THOMAS J
So now you'll have a mother.
VADA
I don't like her.
THOMAS J
I do, she's real funny.
VADA
He likes her better than me.
A TREE DUSK, THOMAS J AND VADA ARE UP THE TOP OF IT
THOMAS J
I'm hungry, I can't last any longer.
VADA
Then go home, baby.
THOMAS J
I have to anyway, my mom will be worried.
VADA
Leave then, some friend you are.
THOMAS J
You can come to my house for dinner?
VADA
No, I'm hiding out.
THOMAS J
Okay, seeya.
Thomas J climbs down from tree, and leaves
DISSOLVE INTO NEXT SCENE
VADA STILL IN TREE NIGHT, SHE LOOKS AROUND AND THEN DECIDES
TO GET DOWN
Vada jumps down, and we can now see that the tree was on
the Sultenfuss' front lawn
INSIDE VIEW OF FRONT DOOR, VADA ENTERS AND CLOSES IT
As soon as Vada has entered, she waits for someone to come
running and ask her if she's all right, where she's been,
they were so worried etc., Nothing happens, all she can hear
is the noise that the TV is making. So she opens the door
again and slams it. Still nothing. She decides to give up,
and go find Harry, she walks to the living room where the TV
is on, Harry and Grammoo are asleep in their chairs
Vada begins to ascend the stairs, depressed
VADA'S THOUGHTS
In social studies we learned some people
stole the Limburg baby right out of his house,
I think i'll sleep with my window OPEN
tonight.
OUTSIDE SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, A LOUD HIGH PITCHED SCREAM IS
HEARD
VIEW OF CORRIDOR LEADING TO BATHROOM
VADA
OH MY GOD!!!
Vada bursts out of the bathroom and screams down the stairs
VADA
DADDY!! Daddy daddy!!!! Daddy!!??!?!
Vada runs into a room where Shelly is
VADA
Daddy??!?!?!
SHELLY
Vada, Vada, what's the matter?
VADA
Where's Daddy?
SHELLY
Well he just left, what's wrong?
VADA
I'm hemorrhaging.
SHELLY
What do you mean you're hemorrhaging?
VADA
(very weak, scared voice)
I don't want, I don't need your help....
Vada tries to run away, but Shelly stops her
SHELLY
Vada, did this happen in the bathroom?
Vada nods her head
SHELLY
How old are you?
VADA
I'm eleven and a half.
SHELLY
It's okay, come on upstairs, we have to have
a little talk.
They exit
VADA'S BEDROOM, VADA AND SHELLY SITTING ON BED
VADA
My Mommy and Daddy did THAT?
SHELLY
It's actually a very beautiful thing, and
look there wouldn't have been a Vada.
VADA
I think it should be outlawed.
SHELLY
Believe me, some day, you'll feel
differently.
Door bell is heard ringing
VADA
Oh, that's probably Thomas J, I don't wanna
see him. It's not fair. Nothing happens to
boys.
OUTSIDE FRONT DOOR OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, VADA OPENS DOOR
THOMAS J
Hi Vada, can you come out?
VADA
I dunno..
THOMAS J
Please, it's real hot, maybe we can go
swimming?
Vada is angered by this, she comes storming out
VADA
NO!
Vada pushed Thomas J hard enough to make him fall over, she
is angry
Get outta here!! And don't come back for five
to seven days!!!
Vada runs inside and slams the door, leaving poor Thomas J
sitting on the porch looking startled
FUNERAL ROOM OF SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, PIPE ORGAN IS BEING
PLAYED, MANY PEOPLE ARE SEATED AND THERE IS AN OPEN COFFIN
UP THE FRONT
LIVING ROOM, VADA IS READING A BOOK, AND WATCHING GRAMMOO
TO BE SURE THAT SHE DOESN'T WANDER OFF, VADA PUTS THE BOOK
DOWN
VADA
Grammoo, I'm going to the bathroom, i'll be
right back.
She then gives Grammoo a little kiss, and makes her way out
of the living room to the bathroom, closing the door behind
her, as she goes to enter the bathroom she hears giggling
coming from the next room, so she goes to investigate. Harry
and Shelly are kissing and giggling. As she is watching
this, Grammoo gets up, enters the funeral room and makes her
way to the front, when she gets there, she picks up a rose,
takes a look at the dead man, and begins to sing into the
rose as if it were a microphone
GRAMMOO
It's quarter to three, there's no-one in the
place, just you and me.
As this is being sung, Vada hears and turns around with an
OH SHIT look on her face, Harry and Shelly also hear it
and make off for the funeral room, Vada quickly retreats
into the room where Harry and Shelly were, closing the door
behind her
So santa-macho, I got a little story you
oughtta know, we're comin' my friend, to the
end of a brief episode, so make it one for my
baby and one more for the road.
HARRY
I'm so sorry, it's all right ma, I'm very
very sorry.
ROOM IN SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, HARRY BURSTS IN, CLEARLY HE IS
VERY ANGRY
HARRY
Grabs Vada by the shoulders
Now what were you thinking, huh? HUH???? It's
your responsibility to watch her!! Do you have
any idea how upset those people are in
there???!
Vada breaks free from Harry's grip, and walks briskly out
of the room. Shelly looks back at Harry expectantly
WEEPING WILLOW TREE DOWN AT THE LAKES EDGE, VADA AND THOMAS
J ARE SITTING UNDER IT RESTING QUIETLY
VADA
Why do you think people want to get married?
THOMAS J
Well when you get older, you just have to.
VADA
I'm gonna marry Mr. Bixler.
THOMAS J
You can't marry a teacher, it's against the
law.
VADA
It is not.
THOMAS J
Yes it is, cause then he'll give you all A's
and it won't be fair.
VADA
Not true.
VADA
(nervously, uncertain)
Have you ever kissed anyone?
THOMAS J
Like they do on TV?
VADA
Uh huh.
THOMAS J
No.
VADA
Maybe we should, just to see what's the big
deal.
THOMAS J
But, I don't know how.
VADA
Here, practice on your arm like this.
Vada brings her forearm up to her mouth and starts to kiss
it, Thomas J follows
THOMAS J
Like this?
VADA
Uh huh.
(they kiss their arms for a
while)
Okay, enough practice.
VADA
Close your eyes.
THOMAS J
But then I won't be able to see anything.
Vada raises her fist
VADA
Just do it.
THOMAS J
Okay, okay.
VADA
Okay on the count of three.
CAMERA SWITCHES ANGLES TO GIVE A CLEAR SIDE ON OF THOMAS J
VADA
One.
VADA
Two.
VADA
Two and a half.
VADA
Three.
Vada leans forward and kisses Thomas J on the lips, they
both look surprised, Vada then sits back against the tree,
long pause
VADA
Say something it's too quiet.
THOMAS J
Umm, Ummmmm
VADA
(agitated)
Just, hurry.
Thomas J stands up and begins to say something along the
lines of...
THOMAS J
On political agents to the flag of the United
States of America,
Vada stands up and joins in
THOMAS J & VADA
And to the republic for which it stands, one
nation, under God, individual, with liberty
and justice for all.
When they finish, they both still look a little
uncomfortable
ROAD DAY, VADA AND THOMAS J ARE WHEELING THEIR BIKES BACK
DOWN IT
VADA
You better not tell anyone.
THOMAS J
You better not either.
VADA
Well, let's spit on it.
THOMAS J
Okay.
Both of them raise their hands to their mouths and spit on
them, they then shake hands and when finished wipe them off
on their trousers
VADA
Seeya tomorrow.
THOMAS J
Okay, seeya.
(Vada starts off down the
road)
Vada?
VADA
What?
THOMAS J
Would you think of me?
VADA
For what?
THOMAS J
Well if you don't get to marry Mr. Bixler.
Vada smiles, and gets on her bike
VADA
I guess.
As Vada rides off, Thomas J smiles
BACK IN THE WOODS WHERE VADA AND THOMAS J HAD FOUND THE
BEEHIVE
Thomas J comes across the beehive, inspects it and then
kicks it, he waits and then once he is adamant that there is
no danger, he begins to search for Vada's mood ring, he
searches, and as he does so, bees begin to swarm, he finds
the mood ring, and by the time he notices that there are
bees everywhere, it is too late..
THOMAS J
(as he finds the mood ring)
Yes!
THOMAS J
(reacting to the bees)
Ow, ahh, NO!, Get away!!!
We see Thomas J's glasses fall off onto the ground
OUTSIDE FRONT DOOR, SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, POLICEMAN PRESSES
DOORBELL, HARRY ANSWERS
A policeman enters, takes his hat off and explains what has
happened to Thomas J to Harry, who becomes clearly very
distressed
VADA'S ROOM, VADA IS FEEDING FISH, HARRY ENTERS
HARRY
Hi Vada.
VADA
Hi.
HARRY
What are you doing.
VADA
Feeding my fish.
HARRY
Is that the fish you won at the carnival?
VADA
Yes.
HARRY
He's getting big.
(sad pause)
Vada, come here and sit down for a minute.
Vada sits down next to her Dad
HARRY
Vada, something happened to Thomas J last
night, he stepped on a beehive.
VADA
(beginning to look worried)
I told him not to tease those bees. Did he
get stung?
Harry nods
VADA
Maybe I should go over and yell at him.
HARRY
No sweetheart, you can't.
VADA
(looking very worried)
Why not?
HARRY
He was allergic to bees.
VADA
(extremely worried)
He's okay isn't he?
HARRY
(shakes head, near tears)
There were just too many of 'em.
When Vada hears this, her eyes begin to flood with tears
and the expression on her face changes movingly, it looks as
though she just lost the most special and important part of
her life. And she has
VADA RUNNING UP STAIRS INTO DOCTORS OFFICE
VADA
Dr. Welty!!!? Dr. Welty??
DR WELTY
Vada, what's wrong sweetheart?
VADA
I can't breathe, I'm suffocating.
DR WELTY
Oh, wait relax now, let me look, let me look,
come up here and we'll have a look.
Dr. Welty lifts Vada up onto bed
VADA
It hurts, it hurts so bad, make it stop.
DR WELTY
What Hurts Vada?
VADA
The bee stings! I can't breathe!
OUTSIDE SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, HARRY AND ARTHUR ARE BRINGING
THOMAS J IN ON A STRETCHER
INSIDE, CORRIDOR OUTSIDE VADA'S ROOM, SHELLY IS CLIMBING
STAIRS CARRYING A TRAY OF FOOD, SHE STOPS OUTSIDE VADA'S
ROOM
SHELLY
Knocks Vada?
View shifts to inside Vada's bedroom, where she is curled
up in a little ball on her bed
I'm leaving some food for you by the door, in
case you get hungry.
Vada remains where she is, the doorbell rings
DOWNSTAIRS, SHELLY OPENS DOOR TO REVEAL JUDY
SHELLY
Hi.
JUDY
Hi, is Vada home?
SHELLY
Yes she is, but she's very upset, so she's
not seeing anyone.
JUDY
Oh, I'm Judy, I go to school with her, I
wanted to tell her I'm sorry about Thomas J.
SHELLY
Well maybe she'll feel better in a couple of
days.
JUDY
Will you tell her I came by?
SHELLY
Sure.
JUDY
Thank you. Bye.
SHELLY
Bye.
Shelly closes the door
PEOPLE ARE ENTERING THE FUNERAL ROOM
REV
Hi Harry.
HARRY
Ahh, Reverand Miles.
REV
The Sennetts want to thank you for taking
care of things so quickly.
THE FUNERAL ROOM IS FILLING UP, WITH THOMAS J AT THE FRONT
IN A COFFIN
CORRIDOR OUTSIDE VADA'S ROOM, SHELLY STOPS OUTSIDE IT
SHELLY
(knocks)
Vada? I see you took your tray in,
Vada is looking out her blinds at all the black cars and
people dressed in black entering her house
Maybe you should come down for the funeral,
sometimes it helps. Vada?
HARRY'S STUDY, HARRY IS LOOKING AT A PIECE OF PAPER, SHELLY
ENTERS
SHELLY
She won't come out. It's been a whole day.
You have to do something Harry.
HARRY
The funeral's starting.
Shelly is now very emotional
SHELLY
Open your eyes, she's eleven years old! Her
only friend in the world is dead.
HARRY
I know that, but what do you want from me?
SHELLY
Stop hiding Harry, you run Harry. When I
first came here, the idea of working with dead
people, didn't exactly thrill me, but when I
saw a family lived here, I thought, "if I'm
living without a family, at least I can work
with one, and maybe once in a while i'll be
invited in for supper."
HARRY
Yeah, and when those suppers are disrupted
because there's a car crash, or there's a
fire, or a little boy steps on a beehive.
SHELLY
I'm not asking you to stop feeling for those
people. But life isn't just death Harry, don't
ignore the living, especially your daughter.
Arthur enters
ARTHUR
Excuse me Harry, Shelly, the minister's about
to begin.
HARRY
Thank you Arthur.
Shelly exits
FUNERAL ROOM, MINISTER IS WALKING UP THE FRONT
MINISTER
We are here to honor Thomas James Sennett. He
was born, May 7 1961, in Madison,
Pennsylvania, and he was survived by his
loving parents, Charles and Susan Sennett......
(fades as camera changes)
CAMERA IS ON VADA, WHO IS SLOWLY MAKING HER WAY OUT OF HER
ROOM
The minister is heard to say this in the background
MINISTER
The family has asked me to say a few words
before we proceed. No words that I could say,
would begin to describe the loss and grieving,
one word that keeps ringing in my ear is
Why?. Why would God choose to take this
little boy from us? I can't give you an answer
to that question, but I can tell you that God
has chosen Thomas J for some very special
reason, we must find solace in knowing that
Thomas J is now in Gods care. In that face,
there is no sorrow such as....
The ministers words fade into the very moving music
CAMERA IS ON VADA SLOWLY DESCENDING THE STAIRS AND LOOKING
INTO THE FUNERAL ROOM, THE MUSIC, SCENE AND ACTIONS OF
CHARACTERS IS GETTING TO THE POINT OF MAKING THE VIEWER CRY
Vada stops and sits on a step where she can look through
and see Thomas J lying in his coffin, she begins to cry
BACK IN FUNERAL ROOM, VADA ENTERS AT THE BACK AND BEGINS TO
SLOWLY MAKE HER WAY UP TO THE FRONT
MINISTER
....disciples began to chastise them, and
Jesus said "Let the children come to me, do
not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God
belongs to such as these.
(the minister notices Vada
coming around the front of the
room)
He laid his hands on their heads before he
left that place, let us pray in silence.
Vada has made it right up to the coffin, which she leans
over and crying, says the following
VADA
Wanna go tree climbing Thomas J?
CAMERA DOES A CLOSE UP OF THOMAS J'S BEE STING COVERED FACE
CAMERA GOES BACK TO PREVIOUS SHOT INCORPORATING VADA AS
WELL
VADA
His face hurts, and where is his glasses? He
can't see without his glasses! Put his glasses
on!
(Harry and Shelly are rapidly
approaching Vada, Shelly takes
hold of her and tries to pull
her away)
Put on his glasses! He was gonna be an
acrobat.
HARRY
He's gone sweetheart. He's gone!
VADA
Get away, get away!!
Vada breaks away from Harry's grip and runs out of the
room, followed closely by Harry and Shelly
OUTSIDE THE HOUSE, VADA IS RUNNING DOWN THE STEPS, FOLLOWED
CLOSELY BY HARRY
HARRY
Vada wait! Vada! Vada!!
Harry stops running after Vada as she sprints off down the
road
Vada arrives at Mr. Bixler's house
MR. BIXLER
Vada! I was just on my way to your house. Are
you all right? I'm so sorry about Thomas J.
Vada covers her ears and begins to sing "doo-wah-diddy-
diddy"
MR. BIXLER
Okay, okay we don't have to talk about him,
Vada, Vada we don't have to talk about him,
it's okay. We won't talk about him all right?
VADA
(crying)
Justin and Ronda say that I should tell
people what I feel.
MR. BIXLER
(nods)
Come here, sit down over here.
The two of them sit down on Mr. Bixler's porch
Vada is clearly in a lot of pain and she wants it to stop
VADA
Mr. Bixler,
(emotional pause)
I love you.
MR. BIXLER
Oh, Vada...
VADA
I love you like my Dad loves Shelly. I wanna
live here.
MR. BIXLER
Pause as he takes all this in I think your Dad would miss
you.
VADA
No he wouldn't, I can't go home.
A woman appears at Mr. Bixler's front door
SUZANNE
I'll be ready in a second, I just can't seem
to find my other earring....
MR. BIXLER
Suzanne, this is Vada.
SUZANNE
(comes over to Vada and
crouches)
Vada, hi, I'm really sorry.
MR. BIXLER
Could you just give us a minute?
SUZANNE
Yeah.
Suzanne goes back inside
VADA
Who's that?
MR. BIXLER
That's Suzanne.
(pause)
She and I are gonna be married this Fall.
As soon as Vada hears this, she reacts, shaking her head
and backing off
VADA
No....
MR. BIXLER
I...I was gonna bring her to class next week.
I wanted to hear your poem. Oh Vada, please
honey I cared for him too, Vada please! Vada,
Vada sweetheart don't.....
VADA
Get away from me!
Vada runs off down the road
WEEPING WILLOW, VADA AND THOMAS J'S FAVORITE SPOT, VADA IS
UP HIGH IN THE TREE
Vada is climbing around in the tree, clearly trying to get
somewhere of significance
VADA'S THOUGHTS
Why do you think people wanna get married?
THOMAS J'S VOICE
When you get old, you just have to.
Vada pulls out her photo of her mother
THOMAS J'S VOICE
Who's that with your Dad?
VADA'S THOUGHTS
It's my mother.
THOMAS J'S VOICE
I'm gonna be an acrobat when I grow up.
(pause)
Vada, would you think of me? Well if you
don't get to marry Mr. Bixler.
VADA'S THOUGHTS
Now we're blood brothers for life.
Vada gets out to the end of a branch, and makes a daring
jump to another, had she fallen she would be dead
OUTSIDE SULTENFUSS' HOUSE, POLICEMAN CLIMBS STEPS AND RINGS
DOORBELL, SHELLY ANSWERS
POLICEMAN
Shelly I'm sorry but we haven't found her
yet.
SHELLY
It's dark, she can't be alone in the dark.
POLICEMAN
We'll keep looking.
SHELLY
We, no, we've been looking since this
morning, her teacher called, and he said that
she went there first.....
POLICEMAN
I know, I know you told us.
SHELLY
But I....
Shelly is cut off as the door opens and in walks a very
shaken Vada
SHELLY
Vada. Are you okay?
(Vada nods)
Oh God.
Shelly embraces Vada
VADA'S ROOM, SHELLY AND VADA ARE SITTING ON VADA'S BED,
SHELLY IS BRUSHING VADA'S HAIR
VADA
I should have told Thomas J that he was my
best friend.
SHELLY
I'm sure he knew.
Shelly puts a nightie on Vada
VADA
Shelly, I stole some money from your cookie
jar, to pay for the writing class.
Shelly ponders this for a moment
SHELLY
It's okay sweetheart.
VADA
I'll pay it back, besides, I don't think i'll
ever go to class again.
SHELLY
I'll tell you what, you dedicate your first
book to me, and we'll forget about the whole
thing.
VADA
I will I promise.
SHELLY
Okay, get in to bed.
Vada gets into bed and extends her arms to Shelly, they hug
each other, Vada has finally accepted Shelly
SHELLY
Goodnight.
VADA
Goodnight.
Shelly exits and turns off the lights
DOWNSTAIRS, HARRY ENTERS
SHELLY
(sitting on stairs)
She's in.
BACK IN VADA'S ROOM
Harry enters, walks over and kisses Vada, then turns around
and begins to exit
VADA
Did I kill my mother?
HARRY
What??
VADA
The bees killed Thomas J, and I killed my
mother.
HARRY
No, no.
Harry pulls up a chair and sits down next to Vada
HARRY
No sweetie that wasn't your fault, things
like that aren't anybody's fault, it just
happened.
Vada pulls out the photo of Harry and Vada's Mom from under
her pillow
VADA
I found this.
HARRY
I forgot about that picture, where did you
find it?
VADA
In the garage.
HARRY
Ahh, that little Chevy was your mothers
favorite car.
VADA
What was my mama like?
HARRY
She was pretty, and kind, she had your eyes.
Oh boy did she love to laugh. Sometimes when
you laugh, you sound just like her.
VADA
Really?
HARRY
Uh huh. You know what your mother did when
she found out she was gonna have you? She came
home and painted this whole room pink. She was
so sure she was gonna have a little girl.
VADA
Do you miss her?
HARRY
Yes, I did, very much for a long time, and
even now, I get a little sad when I think of a
pretty flower or a sunset that your mother
would have liked.
VADA
I think every time I see a climbing tree i'll
think of Thomas J.
HARRY
That's good, memories are good sweetheart.
Vada, I'm sorry; I was trying to keep it from
you, I just couldn't. You're a good girl, and
I want you to be happy; don't be an old grump
like me.
(Vada puts the photo back
under her pillow, Harry gets
up and kisses her)
Seeya in the morning.
Harry begins to leave room
VADA
Daddy, it's not so bad to be like you.
A CAFE IN TOWN, HARRY IS EATING, MRS. SENNETT COMES AND
KNOCKS ON THE WINDOW
Harry makes his way out of the cafe to talk to Mrs. Sennett
HARRY
Mrs. Sennett, how are you doing?
MRS. SENNETT
Some days I think i'll be okay, others, well
I have to force myself even to get out of bed,
I know it's crazy, but sometimes I think he's
just away at summer camp. How's Vada?
HARRY
Oh she's doing much better. Ahh she's just
inside.
(walks over to entrance)
VADA!
Vada, who is inside talking to someone, hears and comes
outside
VADA
Mrs. Sennett.
(she runs and gives her a
hug)
MRS. SENNETT
Vada. I've been wanting to come over to see
you,
(she reaches inside her purse
and gets out something, it is
Vada's mood ring)
Thomas J had this on him, I thought you might
like to have it.
Vada slides the ring onto her finger, the ring is BLUE
You were such a good friend to him, I hope
you'll still come by and visit me.
VADA
I will, I promise.
Mrs. Sennett looks at Harry as if to say good-bye, and then
walks off slowly
VADA
Mrs. Sennett.
(she stops and turns around
to look at Vada)
Thomas J will be all right, my mother will
take care of him.
MRS. SENNETT
Thank you Vada.
She then turns and walks off
SUMMER WRITING CLASS, FOCUS ON MR. BIXLER
MR. BIXLER
(reading from book)
Encased in talent, like a uniform, the rank
of every poet, is well known. They can amaze
us like a thunderstorm, or die so young, or
live for years alone. My advice to you on our
last class, be a thunderstorm.
JUSTIN
What exactly do you mean by that?
MR. BIXLER
I mean, be dangerous
(Vada enters the back of the
room)
And unpredictable. And make a lot of noise.
Mr. Bixler sees Vada
MR. BIXLER
Vada.
As Vada is noticed, she goes around getting hugged by
everyone
JUSTIN
Hey, we missed you man! Gimme a hug!
Vada gives Justin a hug, she then proceeds towards Mr.
Bixler
MR. BIXLER
I was hoping you'd stop by today.
Vada and Mr. Bixler hug each other
VADA
I can't stay, I just came to read my poem.
MR. BIXLER
We'd love to hear it.
VADA
Weeping willow with your tears running down,
Why do you always weep and frown, Is it
because he left you one day, Is it because he
could not stay, On your branches he would
swing, Do you long for the happiness that they
would bring, He found shelter in your shade,
He thought his laughter would never fade,
Weeping willow stop your tears, There is
something to calm your fears, You think death
as if you forever part, But I know he'll
always be in your heart.
There is a long pause as it sinks in, everybody remains
silent, then just before the scene changes, the Temptations
song "My Girl" begins to play
OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL, VADA COMES OUT THE DOOR AND DOWN THE
STEPS WHERE JUDY AWAITS HER
VADA
Hi Judy.
JUDY
Hi Vada.
VADA'S THOUGHTS
Things are a little better these days; I
finally swallowed that chicken bone, Judy and
I are gonna be in the same home room and the
republican party just re-nominated Mr. Nixon.
Vada and Judy ride off down the road on their bikes, the
camera angle rises and the credits begin to roll as the song
My Girl plays
END